ROBOT TROUBLE

Despite all the free chocolate and root beer we give our fabulously witty robot from the 24th century, XTNX9900 can’t live a satisfying robot life without giving advice to solve people’s big dilemmas. We get thank you letters daily for the little dude’s stellar advice. E-mail XNTX immediately at: XTNX9900@robot.com
And now, this week’s Robot Trouble.
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Dear XTNX9900,

I was just wondering. Are you male or female? I don’t know much about robots, though. Or are you asexual?

-Confused Carrie

GREETINGS, CARRIE.

I CAN ONLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTION APPROPRIATELY THROUGH THE USE OF BINARY CODE. 0010101010101000010101010101010111110011111010101001000111111111111110101010000000111001100110011111100111000111110010101010100110011110101010100010101.
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Dear XTNX9900,

Hello. I am a freshman pursuing a degree in Elementary Education here at Temple. My girlfriend is still in high school and I am having trouble convincing her parents to allow her to spend the weekend overnight. Our relationship remains strong despite our distance apart from one another, but the true inconvenience is in returning home each weekend to get her and coming back to Temple to do things on campus. Things would be so much easier if her parents would allow her to spend the night in my room. But her parents don’t see things on the same level. They see things on the moral level, that we’re not married and therefore it’s wrong. My roommate is cool with her staying the night and so are my parents, but how can I convince her parents to let her stay the weekends?

-Stefan

GREETINGS, STEFAN.

I HAVE A SUGGESTION FOR YOU. USING SUPERIOR ARGUMENTATION, CONVINCE YOUR HUMAN COMPANION TO TAKE A CUE FROM THE ESKIMO HUMANS OF THE FORMER TUNDRA REGIONS. FOLLOWING THEIR LEAD, YOUR GIRLFRIEND SHOULD PLACE HER PARENTAL HUMANS ON A LARGE ICE FLOE. ADDITIONAL INSTRUCTIONS ARE AVAILABLE IN HUMAN ANTHROPOLOGICAL TEXTS AVAILABLE AT YOUR LOCAL HUMAN LIBRARY.

END SESSION