Dear ATV,
I am a male and there has been something that has been bothering me for a long time, and whenever I ask people they think I am crazy… so I am asking you. Why do men have nipples? They are not erogenous zones (at least for me) and we don’t lactate either. So why do we need ’em? I was thinking of getting mine surgically removed, and hope that people will follow my example. Maybe one day I will be famous. Can you recommend a good but cheap (remember I am a college student) plastic surgeon in Philadelphia?
Bye,
Nipple-less Pete
Dear N-LP,
Were you a fan of “The Hogan Family?” If so, it’s safe to assume that you remember episode 39, “You Bet Your Life.” You see, David starts gambling and it becomes a problem. He ends up deeply in debt to a scary bookie. If David hadn’t have had his family to help him, this bookie may have removed his nipples. I don’t think David would have liked that.
So, before you do something drastic like permanently removing a body part (however pointless you feel it may be) try to take something away from the brief synopsis of this episode.
Editor’s Note: Men CAN lactate. This is a very common fallacy, somewhat like you’ll get a cramp if you go swimming after you eat.
Contact A. Television at AskATV@4advice.com
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