The Temple News doesn’t always have the most well-behaved staff members. I’d like to tell you a little story about a recent Saturday night bike adventure with Temple Living editor Josh Chamberlain.
To get you up to speed, Chamberlain flipped off an angry, beeping cab driver while riding his bike.
Be careful bikers, those drivers will hunt you down, kill you and then eat you like you’re beef jerky. Chamberlain’s action serves as an example of what we all would like to do in that situation, except not all of us are lucky enough to escape the wrath of cab drivers.
This happened seconds after a person opened a car door, nearly removing Chamberlain’s lower torso as he rode down the street. Clearly he was justified in giving the cab driver the bird. But it wasn’t all drama that warm spring-like day.
As birds slurped up earthworms from the ground, Chamberlain and I took advantage of this lovely day by stuffing our own faces with gelato.
It was like being in elementary school again; our hands were sticky from sugary goo, our backpacks were strapped to us tightly and bugs stuck to our faces as we rode through the streets.
Chamberlain was excited because he recently had his training wheels removed. We shrieked like it was recess. The sweet gelato pumped through us like some sort of volatile bike fuel.
See, even if you’re drinking steak through a straw, riding a bike can put youth and vigor back into any person, no matter what age. I should know … I’m about to turn 22. The arthritis is going to kick in anytime now.
One thing made me feel like a 21 year old though … that was booze from the Khyber. You see, I’m an amateur when it comes to drinking. I wish someone had told me sooner that you can’t have open containers of alcohol in public.
Riding your bike with an open can of Sparks in your hand is not easy, so I tried to conceal it with my sweatshirt, albeit not very well. Apparently, you’re also not permitted to drink at the movies either.
I can’t watch those profound, artsy Ritz movies without being a little tipsy. What is this world coming to when you can’t have a little liquor with your popcorn?
But don’t worry friends; I wasn’t drinking while biking, though it is a common practice by other bikers. I think the weather has caused a surge in drunk biking. It’s hard enough to bike while sober in this city.
Fumes pumping from exhaust pipes probably make bikers high, rendering them dizzy and dumb. But, I digress. The warm weather is very close and the city will soon be buzzing again with camera-wielding tourists and children-toting suburbanites.
So get on your bike and start hitting them. I mean, um, go get some exercise.
Ellen Minsavage can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.