It’s a horrendous idea, horrendously executed, and if you have 67 minutes to spare, pop it in your VCR player, because Herschell Gordon Lewis’ 1963 Blood Feast should-be immortalized as a classic, albeit for being horrible.
With quotes like, “Well Frank, this looks like one of these long hard ones,” which can really only be taken out of context, and actors who look like they are actually reading their lines off a piece of paper,
the movie is definitely worth a watch.
It was filmed with less than $25,000 in less than nine days, was probably written in eight, and uses props that look like silly putty, and plastic caldrons to horrify its audience.
Fuad (pronounced Foo-Odd) Ramses, a saltland-pepper haired Egyptian caterer with triangular painted-on eyebrows and a limp that drags his right foot behind like a dead animal on a string, goes on a vicious killing spree, targeting early twentysomethings, or specifically, overly-tanned white girls with large breasts.
The first killing is a typical scene. This girl is killed in a bathtub, and he rips out her eyeball, stuffing it into what eventually can be identified as his body-part pouch. Then there’s Tony and Marcy. While romping around on a deserted beach, Marcy decides that she wants to go home. She fears that the killer is on the loose and she may be in danger.
But Tony assures her that everything
“Hey baby, I’m here. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you,” he says. “You’re my girl, aren’t you? Now prove you love me.”
And I guess she proves her point.
As they ensue their pre-marital sexual engagements, here comes the limping Fuad Ramses. He stabs Marcy to death, removing her heart. Detective Pete Thornton, who for some reason yells all of his lines, investigates the scene and from there out pursues the serial killer as his full-time case.
Meanwhile, a not-so-quick Mrs. Fremont plans a dinner party for her daughter, Suzette. A friend refers her to a caterer by the name of Mr. Ramses.
“I do cater to unusual affairs,” Ramses says. “What do you consider to be unusual. An Egyptian blood feast?” Ramses’ next victim is a voluptuous drunk girl, and no he’s not in a frat. This time he shoves his fingers into her mouth and pulls out what looks like a shredded sausage.
His fourth victim makes it to the hospital,
and is able to clue Detective Thornton in on the identification of the killer. With what sounds more like an orgasm than a last gasp for breath, Ramses’ fourth or fifth victim dies in a hospital bed yelling, “Egypt.”
Not-so coincidentally, Suzette is learning about the cults of the Egyptian pharaohs and demigods at one of her weekly lectures. One of the most popular was the Ramses.
What happens at the dinner party, and how Fuad Ramses meets his end involves a cocktail dress, a butcher knife and a garbage truck. You’ll just have to find the details out yourself. If the movie were remade today, Keanu Reeves would play the detective, a blonde-haired Minnie Driver would play Suzette (a horse-shaped face is key) and Mr. Ramses?
Mayor John Street. It’s all about the eyebrows. Plus, Street has grown equally as comfortable with a large number of murders.
Jill Bauer can be reached at email@example.com.