Dirt

Before spring semester, that is! Oh, my Dirrrty ones…what a wonderful term we’ve had. Dirt sat up late last night thinking of what beautifully wrapped gossip nuggets to place beneath your tree. For you, a string of lights…well, a string of Dirt… “Dirt lights”…no, “twinkling Dirt”…no “non-denominational holiday Dirt”….whatever.

BABY PALTROW

It’s happened. Hollywood royalty Gwyneth Paltrow’s newest roll will be mommy to speculated future hubby Chris Martin’s unborn child inside her air-tight (not for long) tummy. Dirt can’t begin to explain the joy of two rich, beautiful people having offspring (because the Paltrow-Martin duo is now reality show material). Entertainment Tonight reported last week that the two have filed for a marriage license in Santa Barbara County, CA, a confidential one which tend to expire within 90 days. This could mean that a shotgun wedding is fast approaching. GBB, Gwyneth’s Beautiful Baby, (Dirt is officially coining this!) is expected next summer.

Homo Potter

MSNBC’s The Scoop unearthed speculations by gay-rights group NAMBLA that Harry Potter, in all his fictitious glory, is gay. A ranting essay on the groups Web site notes that Harry’s struggle is that of any homosexual wizard, living in a closet (ohmigod! closet!) under the stairs.

They liken the young hero to the Greek myth of Orestes.

“Orestes, like Harry, was born at Lammas, sent away to be reared by relatives, had a lightening-flash birthmark on his forehead, caused the death of his parents, fought unending magic battles, had a marriage of convenience with Hermione, and was life-long lover of his childhood boyfriend Pylades.”

Suki-suki, now. Publishers made no comment.

Kid n’ Krav heat up

All this Christmas cheer has Dirt on a coining spree: Kid n’ Krav, Nicole Kidman and Lenny Kravitz, seem to be the “it” couple these days. The New York Post’s gossip queen Cindy Adams reported this week that Nicole, hot off the set of her happily buzzed Stepford Wives, took a rather interesting travel route to L.A., stopping off in Miami to see Lenny. Kidman’s ex-hubby Tom Cruise recently let the couple out of the bag to Diane Sawyer, confirming their canoodling.

Ho, Ho, Ho

No, we’re not talking about Paris Hilton’s sex tape! Dirt’s just wishing you the happiest of holidays and a safe and sound winter break. See you next year for buzz, gossip, the national security-level task of Award Show tracking and all things dirrrty!

Matt Donnelly can be reached at mattdonn@temple.edu