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Spears suicidal?
Britney, Britney, Britney. We all know of the recent troubles: the marriage, the annulment, the Onyx Hotel Tour controversies (exactly how many dancers’ heads are thrust into your crotch throughout the concert? Rough estimate?) You’ve tried Kabbalah, self-help books, even some QT with Mom.

Is ending it all the only option? The original concept for Spears’ forthcoming video “Everytime” would suggest so. In the vid, Spears was set to play a “character” that ingested a handful of pills and drowned in a bathtub.

No chance of ever doing that Oops! again. Reps for Jive Records, Spears’ label, busted open the PR gates screaming to the hills that “Britney Spears was uncomfortable with these treatments due to the potential for a fictional accidental occurrence to be misinterpreted as a suicide.”
Ms. Spears revised the treatment to ensure the video for “Everytime” will not have a scene in it which could in any way be perceived as a reference to a suicide.”

I say go with it! Premiere the clip on CBS, have an exposed breast, invite a veteran Shock Jock to narrate and wait for the fines to come a’ rollin!

Dunst’s mouth runs amok
Kirsten Dunst, who hasn’t graced the screen in a little over a year, is reminding us all she’s still around-by attacking other celebrities.
The pouty pixy was up and down MSNBC’s The Scoop slamming actress/mother-to-be Gwyneth Paltrow saying she herself could have played suicidal poetess Sylvia Plath more skillfully. Could this spite have anything to do with Dunst’s beau, Jake Gyllenhaal, having just wrapped Proof opposite none other than Miss Paltrow?
Speaking of the Dunst-Gyllenhaal duo, Kirsten is also scolding recently split Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez saying the bomb Gigli has made it impossible for couples to work in film together.
The actress hinted they might fake a breakup for an opportunity to share the screen. She’ll be seen next in Wimbledon with Paul Bettany.

Streisand a Mother ‘Focker’?
Billboard Magazine reports that Barbara Streisand is in final negotiations to play opposite Dustin Hoffman as Ben Stiller’s parents in Meet the Fockers, a sequel to 2000’s monster hit Meet the Parents.
Parents starred Stiller and Teri Polo as an engaged couple seeking approval from Polo’s eccentric parents played by Robert De Niro and Blythe Danner. The sequel would have the two families meet and hilarity ensue.
Streisand is notorious for hand-picking vehicles to perpetuate her legacy and agreeing to star in such a project bodes well for the credibility of the sequel. Director Jay Roach will be taking the wheel once again, with filming slated to being March 29, 2004.

Matt Donnelly can be reached at mattdonn@temple.edu