My (non existent) office at The Temple News is awash with flowers and cards and boxes and various promotional gift bags.
Tinsel Town is impressing me with its response to my 21st – you wouldn’t believe some of the amazing things that have been pouring in all week.
Kate Moss gave me a beautiful public apology for getting busted on major snow bunny behavior – I haven’t seen lines that long since Star Wars was in theaters.
“I want to apologize to all of the people I have let down because of my behavior which has reflected badly on my family, friends, co-workers, business associates and others,” pouted the petite beauty. I forgive you, Katie.
Paris Hilton gave me one of the most precious gifts in life – the gift of helping others. By helping I mean offering booze and pot. By others I mean underage boys. Imdb.com reports that Hilton, while filming The Simple Life: Interns, allegedly pushed “marijuana and bourbon” onto the children of a family that hosted she and ex-pal Nicole Richie in Baltimore.
Police are taking allegations seriously, while a FOX rep says the claims are patently untrue and that Hilton would “never endanger the welfare of a minor.”
Speaking of Paris, she and fiancé Paris Latsis are officially dunzo, says new poli-trash mag Radar. Reports claim that sources very close to the Greek shipping heir’s family are saying the wedding is O-F-F, and has been for months.
Should we even talk about Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney? Is he gay? Does she want six babies so she never feels the crushing loneliness so easily lent to women in Hollywood? They didn’t send a gift so … no.
Desperate Housewives fared pretty well at this year’s Emmy Awards. A Best Actress award for Felicity Huffman, an unofficial Best Dressed for Marcia Cross, an awkward you-didn’t-get-nominated-but-we-love-you nod for Eva Longoria. Although frontrunner Teri Hatcher didn’t scoop the trophy (as was the case at last December’s Golden Globe Awards) she claims no hard feelings. But where was she for cast photos after Felicity’s coronation? Perhaps setting her neighbors house on fire …
I suddenly realize none of that was about my birthday. Back on track!
Lindsay Lohan did her part to make me feel special on my special day of specialness – by dying her hair back to signature red and packing some weight on in the bra. Missed you, Linds!
Jenny McCarthy wet her pants on The Howard Stern Show. For me? Is there a gift receipt?
Brangelina took me (or son Maddox) to a crazy fun arcade in Canada, where every dad with a disposable camera became a paparazzo, snapping the couple and me (Maddox – who is still calling Brad “Daddy”) playing skeeball. Deal.
Mary-Kate Olsen gave me some great little Harry & David candies and a promise that she’ll be continuing classes at New York University. The Insider’s Pat “Habilitated” O’Brien got the confirmation from Olsen reps.
What a week. Have to dash, kids, Tara Reid will be by any minute to help me slam Jaeger-bombs and yell obscenities like “Booyah! Look at my boob!”
Happy Birthday to me!
Matt Donnelly can be reached at email@example.com.