Yay! It’s time for the Dirt: Christmas Deliciousness edition! Oh, dirtlings, another semester has passed and I find myself sitting at Dirt Headquarters (which you can find at the bottom of any bottle) a little misty-eyed. What will the new year hold for our usual suspects? The spring brings my last semester and (gasp!) the final season of Dirt. Why does everything move so fast?
Let’s take it back to the family – grab your beagle and a glass of cheer, sit ’round the fire and tuck- in for some holiday Dirt. I know you’re failing out of school, aspirating each night after another round of partying and now have a suspicious rash on your foot (especially you, White Hall), but none of that matters now. It’s the holidays, and the rich and famous are in so much more pain than you.
Take Britney Spears, for instance. The house has officially entered chaos. Little Sean Preston has been with us only 12 weeks and sources say Kevin Federline has been celebrating the birth a bit too much … like, for 10 weeks and six days. Jossip.com reported that on a recent New York to Los Angeles flight, the couple had such a row that Britney sent Federline packing to the Beverly Hills Hotel directly from the airport, whilst she went directly to nightclub LAX and sipped voddie-red-bulls with Johnny Knoxville (what a trade up).
So … where’s the kid? He’s under warranty anyway … but guess what isn’t? Federline’s Ferrari (an engagement present from Spears) was photographed being towed from the couple’s home. Trouble, trouble, trouble in Cheetodise.
Have a New Year’s resolution? How about a socialite showdown resolution? In TV Land anyway, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have worked out their differences. FOX has sold their reality TV series The Simple Life to E!
In turn, E! will shoot and air a fourth season of the hit and will pit the girls against (as opposed to teamed) one another. The competitions will resemble Wife Swap et al, where each week the girls will play Mommy to a California household and the host family will pick their fave.
What’s more, and a lovely slap in the airbrushed cheek to Miss Hilton, Richie has just signed a talent deal with old parent network FOX. Richie will develop her own sitcom (labeled as a show of “comedic instincts” by FOX execs) or be cast on an existing project. Snaps to Nicole.
Searching for the perfect gift for the waif in your family? What about that little sister that ducks to the bathroom after every meal? Or the tight-pants-wearing brother with a constant case of the sniffles and lots of energy? Or even grandma who can’t seem to stop watching Project Runway … now there’s a single affordable gift in four fabulous styles: The Kate Moss issue of French Vogue, of course!
Moss served as guest editor for the issue, which suffered slightly due to her unexpected stint in rehab. French Vogue editor Carnie Roitfeld, however, doesn’t care. She’s got Moss on four different covers and that’s just fine with her.
“Kate is not a model for me; she’s an icon … she’s the new Marilyn Monroe,” Roitfeld told Women’s Wear Daily.
Jingle bells to you, Miss Moss. Check out the cover featuring a bra-less Moss in a gold Dior jacket. Work.
Remember, kids, be safe over break and have a fantastic New Year. Dirt will be waiting in 2006, with fresh starts for coked-out supermodels and feuding celebutantes. With justice for the fur-wearers and wicked witch editors of elite fashion magazines. Yes, the sweet sand passage of time … and the Dirt keeps flowing.
Matt Donnelly can be reached at DirtTheFragrance@yahoo.com.