Either I’m a stumbling drunk or the Celebrity world is spiraling out of control. Little bit of both? Deal. Dirt is always glad to get exclusives, especially about A-listers. Spies on the set of The Devil Wears Prada, based on the best seller by Lauren Weisberger, are saying star Meryl Streep is using a mysterious new weight loss treatment to keep off the cushion of age. The spy says she receives one-to-two treatments per week that consist of very powerful, very “cleansing” liquids. The cost? $450 per session, according to the mouthpiece. Streep, playing a bilious edi-nator for a prestigious fashion mag (speculated to be based on first-hand experience Weisberger had with Vogue’s legendary Anna Wintour), is a talent powerhouse but not above having to drop some flab to fill the couture heels of a fashion editor. What range she has!
Another car crash for Lindsay Lohan in West Hollywood. A bad one. With a red paparazzo van. She’s not well. Neither is Governor Arnold who, last Friday, passed stricter penalties into law for overbearing photogs. Sleep well, Linds, we still love you.
Paris, Paris, Paris. I’m actually exhausted with her right now. Rumblings say she’ll sell her 5-karat diamond engagement ring and donate the funds to Katrina victims. Now if Nicky donates some espadrilles from her clothing line and parents Rick and Kathy give up a couple thousand suites at various Hilton Hotels-it’ll be a family relief-athon!
I bet you’re wondering why this is so far down the page, but the time has come for Nick and Jessica … allegedly. The thing is, Dirtmongers, my production deadline is not cute. There’s a good five days from when I submit this column to when you read it. And as we know, the pace of this industry and this kind of news is To. The. Minute.
At press time, Us Weekly has broken an exclusive that Simpson and Lachey are splitsville. Rival (as if this trash rag could compare) publication Life & Style gets in on the action and now everyone is wondering: is it true? No word on what actual documentation Us has of the split, but Nick and Jess are adamantly denying it. Can you imagine if it did happen? Where would they end up?
Bye Nick! We’ll come visit you as shift manager of the Studio City Olive Garden. Jessica, see you on the cover of Playboy in 6 months. Isn’t it nice when we can remain civil with our divorced friends? Only in dreams, kids.
In the accounts payable department, Ashton and Demi are not ponying up the goods they promised to Habitat for Humanity. The recently married duo sold pics of their nuptials to English-import OK! for a whopping $3 million dollars and the Kabbalah-loving set haven’t cut Habitat a check yet. Careful, children, next week the envelope will pink!
Next week look for news of Carmen Kass as the new Kate Moss (Miss Thang passed out at Prada). Peace, love and dirt.
Matt Donnelly can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.