Holla! Dirt’s back, loves. And how were the holidays?
The City of Lost Wages was all dolled up for the Tech/Adult Film convention (what a coincidence) and this little columnist saw a lot of empty bottles, a genius burlesque choreographer or two and even stumbled past the Bellagio fountain show.
Cocktails at The Pussycat Dolls Lounge in Caesar’s Palace brought me face to face with creator Robin Antin. Antin was stunning and sweet, no doubt riding high on the success of the Dolls’ debut album PCD. Third single “Beep” featuring Will.i.Am from the Black Eyed Peas is fiiiiire.
Enough about me, what did you think of the Golden Globes?
Big Winners (read: overdose on names in bold): Reese Witherspoon, Joaquin Phoenix, Felicity Huffman, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Geena Davis, Mary Louise Parker (in a shocking snub of ALL FOUR Desperate Housewives).
Highlights: A very drunk and attention-whoring Ryan Phillippe, Isaac Mizrahi on E!’s pre-show, grabbing every boob and butt cheek from Teri Hatcher to Scarlett Johansson to Charlize Theron to … yes … Sarah Jessica Parker.
Even funnier: Ryan Seacrest’s attempting not to be gay, gay, gay.
Gayest quote of my life: “She went under the foil four weeks ago,” said Seacrest of newly blonde Alanis Morrisette.
Ultimately the Globes were much more vibrant than in past telecasts, perhaps because of the shameless nomination system that manages to get every star from every genre from screens big and small. Here’s to you, Hollywood.
What else is brewing for 2006? The coming of Kevin Federline. Reliable linguist sources inform me that the gas pumper-cum-husband-cum rapper’s first singe “PopoZao” translates to something laughably inappropriate in Portuguese. You’ll have to scan the Internets for that gem, kids, the censors here at T-News would have my bobbling head for trying to print it.
And what’s a New Year without a little schadenfreude? Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe: separated. Angelina Jolie (as if you hadn’t heard): pregnant.
And my favorite item of the week: Full House’s Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie Tanner) is in rehab for a CRYSTAL METH addiction.
Christmas came so soon again for Dirt.
Addicted to Tina? And child ain’t even gay? Wow. Talk about an epidemic.
A monumental event occurred after I wrote that last sentence. A good friend sent me the uncensored pics of Colin Farrell from his much-litigated sex tape. Let’s just say that pesky myth might not be true for ALL Irish men.
Breaking news: No faster did I try to save and send the photos to every single person I know, they were taken down. At least we know some lawyers are working for their money.
Speaking of working, Victoria Beckham took the runway for Milan Fashion Week. Miss Thing sashayed for Roberto Cavalli in a white goddess gown with Swarovski and feather detail. Pose.
Trouble at the Madonna ranch, ya’ll. It appears little Lourdes has the limelight itch and desperately wanted to audition for the next Harry Potter film.
Sources say Lourdes googled the teen fantasy franchise, brought her mum the call sheet and – gasp! – was brutally rebuffed.
Madonna reportedly wants to wait until Lords can make more informed decisions about the entertainment industry. You can almost hear Madge screaming “and I still look good!”
It’s good to be back.
Matt Donnelly can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.