Let’s face it. There are three constant truths in your social life: The first being that alcohol is your frequent companion; second being that alcohol costs money; and third being the amount of alcohol you would like to consume is usually much greater than the amount of money you would like to spend.
This can be a problem, especially if you have other reasons for spending money, like eating or having a place to live. However, with a cabinet full of Ramen noodles, you obviously have made drinking a top priority.
So you’re dropping upward of $35 on a Saturday night? Well, we are here to tell you that it doesn’t need to be that way. Let us be your guide to the endless possibilities of fun you can have while spending less than $20.
Before we prove to you what a little creativity and hard work can get you, it’s important that we go over the ground rules. Remember, they aren’t here to ruin your fun. They are here for your protection.
You can only bring $20 with you. If you bring more you will be tempted to spend it. (Ryan’s note: I like to bring an extra emergency dollar just in case.)
No ATMs. Seriously, don’t be weak.
You can spend any money you find while you are out. Just don’t steal it.
Always tip your bartender. Trust us, it pays not to be a jerk.
A free drink is a free drink. If a very large, hairy and creepy transvestite buys you a drink, accept the drink because after all, it is a free drink.
Why listen to us? We’re experts. We’ve gotten drunk all over the world. We’ve been to every bar and pub in the Soho area of London. We’ve gone on pub crawls in Berlin and gotten lost afterward only to wake up some five hours later to go sight seeing. We’ve drank in catacombs in Prague, later to be attacked by prostitutes. And we’ve even done several car bombs with Irishmen in Dublin. If you think it’s bad to drink in America, try getting wrecked on the Euro. We were broke then, so now the Philadelphia bar scene is a breeze.
Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way let’s get down to business. How do we do it? Well, we decided to start off with an easy one: Penny drinks.
Roosevelt’s on 22d and Walnut streets is a popular spot on Saturdays for imbibers in the know.
The $10 cover gets you a plastic cup that is your key to an assortment of drinks from 10 p.m. to midnight for only a penny each. Get there early so you or a friend can get a place at the bar and to ensure quick refills.
On top of the penny drinks, Roosevelt’s special also provides unlimited wings and roast beef sandwiches for that sudden appetite you’ve miraculously developed while drinking.
Worth it for your money? You bet. Even after the special ended at midnight, we still had another $10 to spend. Even though a pint of lager ran us $3.50, we were already feeling nice, so we ended up only spending about $15.
Our beef? The DJ had no idea what he was doing! Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer,” Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” and the Outfield’s classic “Your Love” were all played before 10:30 p.m. – long before anyone was in the proper state to really enjoy them. Midnight came around and without people holding on to what they got, it just did not feel right.
Ryan T. Barlow can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and Corey Fenwick can be reached at email@example.com.