Finals are nearly over and now is the time to go absolutely insane. No more teachers, no more books, just you and the open road on a cross-country catastrophe. It’s the only way for a college student to spend the summer. Screw summer classes and getting a job for a while. Take a month off and see the world, or at least the good old U.S.A.
The first stop on the trip should be New Orleans. It’s only 1300 miles from Philadelphia. Averaging 55 m.p.h., you should be there in about 20 hours. Split that between four people and it’s only five hours each. Make sure to reserve at least two days for your stay in New Orleans. It really sucks trying to drive with a bourbon hangover.
Next stop is Boulder, Colorado. It’s an additional 1300 miles and driving through the mid-west is painful and boring, but the roads are flat and straight. Amazingly straight. You won’t be seeing a whole lot of scenery so make sure to have spliffs on stand-by. When you get to Boulder be sure to check out the Hill for a look at what a college campus is supposed to be like. Then search for some of the buds that have made Boulder a cannibus meccha. Super Skunk number one and Northern Lights are pretty common, but they don’t come cheap.
After a scenic ride through the Rocky Mountains you will enter the deserts of be Nevada and the bright lights of Las Vegas. Vegas is only 750 miles from Boulder, so compared to the rest of the trip it will seem like a stroll in the country.
The less time you spend in Vegas the better. Otherwise, you won’t have enough money to continue on. A trip down the strip should be enough, besides, the desert is the coolest part of Nevada. Peyote anyone?
After Vegas, it’s only a short 300 mile trip to sunny Los Angeles. LA is a vast expanse of smog and false facades. Make sure to punch a cop for arresting Robert Downey Jr. again and take a peak in Pamela Lee’s back yard.
Don’t worry about coming home, the year round 70 degree weather will suck you in and the next thing you know you’ll be forty with two kids and a coke addiction that costs ten times as much as your salary as a waiter allows you.
The total length of the trip is 3,600 miles. If you average nine hours a day it should take about seven days of driving. Add in four or five days of relaxing along the way and you have one hell of a summer road trip. If you average 18 miles to the gallon at $1.80 a gallon the whole trip should only cost about $360 for gas. Add in $10 a day for food, $15 a night for lodging, and $300 for party favors and the entire trip should only cost around $700.
Costs can be cut considerably if you camp along the way and stay clear of the slot machines in Vegas. I’m leaving on May 10th if anyone would like to join. Good luck and screw the LAPD.