Bronx native Caesar Barber has balls.
He probably can’t see them, however, because they’re hidden under 270 pounds of Whopper weight that he carries on a 5’10 frame.
After 56 years, Barber finally realized that his daily visits to fast food restaurants were accounting for the rolls under his belt, and decided to file a lawsuit against the establishments in the New York State Supreme Court.
He claimed in an interview on ABC’s Good Morning America that, “[The fast food industry] never explained to me what I was eating.”
The only thing sadder than this case actually being heard in a court of law is the failure to focus on the real victim in this situation — Mrs. Barber.
You know she’s not getting any.
How could she?
Her husband has been too busy stuffing his body with burgers to focus on her buns.
But, even if he wanted to, he’d probably have a hard time jump-starting his sex life.
Because fries and shakes are just some of the many unhealthy foods that mess with your libido.
So are foods with excessive sugar, salt, saturated fat, and processed foods – things that are regular parts of many diets in America.
What we don’t realize is that too much of them ends up affecting frigidity, makes it harder to orgasm, and lessen overall interest in sex.
So, Caesar Barber’s frequent trips to the drive-through have most likely done a good job at stifling his sex drive.
Yes, it is depressing to link curly fries to issues in the bedroom. But it’s a pretty logical concept.
You know that when you’re out of shape, even a flight of stairs can seem like a villainous obstacle.
Clothes gradually shrink, mirrors show nasty reflections and your overall impression of yourself is at half-staff.
Who wants to get naked and do the nasty if you’re huffing and puffing half way through it?
Changing what foods you put in your face isn’t a cold turkey turnaround. Forget using the word “diet.”
It’s like the first step to failure.
Think about it as making yourself sexier by the minute.
Add more fruits, vegetables, proteins and complex carbohydrates.
That helps your organs stay in shape, gives you more energy (a.k.a. more endurance) and cleans out your system.
Pay attention to how food is prepared.
Fried equals fat-ass.
Grilled, broiled or steamed equal good.
Take a daily vitamin supplement in case you’re missing out on something.
And don’t eat late.
The later it gets, the more the food is stored as fat because your body’s winding down to go to bed.
Finally, spice things up with aphrodisiacs.
Those are foods that naturally stimulate your sex drive.
Examples are fruits (strawberries, mangoes, grapes, coconut, etc.), vegetables (asparagus, carrots, cucumbers, eggplant, avocado, etc.), shellfish (oysters, shrimp, lobster, etc.), lean meats like turkey and chicken, and wine.
There are countless others. Eating them in combination can only double the fun.
Finally, add some exercise.
Just 30 minutes of cardiovascular or weight training a day will go a long way, and Temple has a well-equipped gym right on campus.
Running a mile is comparable to a sex marathon and, if you’re lucky, an improved physical feeling will help that sexual healing.
Nadia Stadnycki can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.