Jumping the bisexuality hurdle

When starting a relationship, it’s important to respect sexual orientations.

When starting a relationship, it’s important to respect sexual orientations.

Some people are paranoid about their partners cheating. Others are obsessive, and a select few travel the long, messy road through the bowels of Facebook to find the truth.

It is difficult to ease a worrying mind when there are so many options – and drunken mistakes – that can lead to infidelity. But for those in a relationship with a bisexual person, it can be even more frightening.cary carr

With the number of bisexual celebrities coming out, such as “True Blood” starlet Anna Paquin and America’s favorite sexpot, Angelina Jolie, more teens and young adults are testing their own sexual borders.

I am not talking about the rapidly growing number of girls at frat parties who, after drinking one too many grape Four Lokos, suck each other’s faces off for the small price of their dignity. Nor am I talking about the trashy MTV television show “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequlia.”

There are men and women who truly identify as bisexual and are attracted to both genders.

Being in a relationship with a bisexual person can be intimidating. It adds an extra layer of fear: Is he looking at her, him or both of them? Society’s stereotypes do not help, like bisexuals are promiscuous and looking to hook up with the next person who walks around the corner.

But to have a functional relationship, the first step is letting go of the stigma of bisexuality.

On wikiHow.com’s “How to Date a Bisexual Person,” there are tips to people going into a new relationship with a bisexual person.

Some advice: Trust your partners regardless of their sexuality. Respect their sexuality as part of their identity, rather than a fluctuating orientation. And do not propose that it is just a transitional phase.

When embarking on a relationship with a bisexual person, trust and respect remain important. If you’re unable to accept your partner’s sexuality, then maybe it is not the right relationship for you. Trying to change or “fix” the person is not going to help, either, because that never works, and you will look like an ignorant buffoon in the process.

Most people are aware of the lack of gay rights and sickening homophobia Americans face, but bisexuals also face interrogation for their orientation. When in a relationship, the last thing people want to hear is that they are just going through a phase or that bisexuality is not a legitimate orientation.

I have a friend who hit some of the rough patches many bisexuals face. She has always been attracted to both men and women, but after she was in a serious relationship with a male, most people assumed she was just bi-curious.

After she and the guy ended things, she became involved with a female shortly after and began a committed, long-term relationship.

Since people knew she was bisexual, many guys assumed she was more promiscuous, and tried to persuade her to have threesomes or asked if they could watch her hook up with girls.

She was a rarity in our small, suburban town, which led to an unwanted amount of notoriety.

Bisexuality, however, is becoming much more popular on college campuses.

According to CNN.com’s article, “The Last Person Out of the Closet? The Bisexual Male,” many men and women are exploring their “sexual fluidity.” Although it may be easier for women to experiment due to the male fantasy of female bisexuality, both sexes can explore.

The article highlights a recent study by professors in Toronto and Illinois, in which a sample of bisexual men were found to be more aroused by images of men than those of women.

Studies done on bisexuality’s validity have become popular, but who wants to participate in a study that questions one’s sexual identity?

With bisexuals under enough scrutiny from the public, and now the world of academia, embarking in a relationship with someone who is going to question them would not be healthy.

Not every college student remains faithful, though. A lot of us make bad decisions and hurt the people we care about.

But just because someone identifies as bisexual does not raise the chance that he or she will cheat. However, what will skyrocket those chances is a partner who consistently pushes that person away, prodding him or her with questions like, “Well, you have to like one sex better, right?”

Maybe it takes really confident people to date someone who is bisexual – people who are confident enough to realize they are attractive because of their personality, trusting enough not to interrogate every guy or girl their partner talks to and open enough to see bisexuality as just another label, with no bearing on someone’s morals or heart.

Cary Carr can be reached at cary.carr@temple.edu.


  1. Why did you exchange Kristen Stewart’s name with Anna Paquin’s?
    Did someone threaten you to take her name out?
    Are the Twihards and the Twilight studio that demanding?

  2. I disagree that it takes someone really confident to date a bisexual – my husband of seven years (I’m bi) is one of the most insecure people I know. But he also doesn’t get hung up on the idea that I might be looking at someone else, because at the end of the day my commitment is to him. Frankly anyone who freaks out at the thought that their partner might be thinking that someone else is cute shouldn’t be dating at all – they clearly can’t handle it. Everybody looks at everybody, it’s what humans do.

  3. Ok so i have this problem i hate it because the girl i am completely head over heels in love with isnt confortable with her sexuality what shud i do

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