From the moment you step on campus, you’re assaulted with a myriad of problems: finding classrooms, buying textbooks and debating whether or not to buy that water ice outside the Student Activity Center.
But you’re a student and the most pertinent topic concerning your academic career is obviously where to meet women.
There’s arguably nothing more important in this world.
And now that you’ve enrolled at a university with literally thousands of women, it’s important to know the ins and outs of the dating game.
So where do you meet these lovely women? If you ask me, there are four main love nodes on campus.
1.) The classroom: Guys have told me this is where all the magic begins, but I’m not so sure.
There’s something inherently anti-romantic about Intellectual Heritage – maybe it’s John Locke, I don’t know.
But the really obvious problem is that you’d never want to date a girl who goes to class regularly anyway.
Remember the old maxim (was it Ben Franklin who said it?) “If she loves class, she loves you that much less.”
2.) Parties: Now, obviously, this is a more relaxed environment than a classroom, unless your professors show up to the party, or unless your professor is hosting the kegger.
In that case, he’s going to end up getting the girls, not you, just like in Animal House. And if it was in Animal House, it’s got to be true.
3.) The SACateria: There’s nothing that brings out the romance like the sweet smells of Charleston Market.
With that thick, juicy aroma of fried ecstasy wafting from wall to wall, love is bound to blossom.
If you see a desired girl, make small chit-chat like: “Hey, did you ever notice how easy it is to steal from this place?” or “Did you know that this Chinese food is exactly the same stuff they serve in China?”
You’re bound to melt her heart with those witty gems.
4.) Dorms: I’ve found there’s this pervasive sense of doom in every residence hall. All of the students are huddled in there together, fighting desperately to stay alive and continue the human experiment.
In those types of dreary environments, love conquers all.
Just make sure to watch out for RAs and other resident workers, because they’re notorious home wreckers.
With all these options, it’s pretty easy to meet women at Temple.
However, if you’re smart, you’ve already disavowed my advice and realized the absolute best place to hook up: high school.
Come on, you’re a college man now.
Ajay Verghese can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org..