Dozens of lips were puckered and ready to make contact Monday night at the Main Campus Program Board’s presentation of “The Art of Kissing.”
Award winning speaker Michael Christian, brought down the house with his colorful lesson plan.
The evening began as people streamed into Mitten Hall’s Owl Cove to the sound of Cher’s “It’s in his Kiss”.
Seated on the stage were four eager young couples awaiting instruction.
Mr. Christian began his shtick with what seemed to be an impression of Woody Allen on speed.
Through out the program his energy and self-deprecating sense of humor entertained the crowded room.
Finally class was in session and the smooching was under way. With Christian’s instruction the couples went at it like a couple of horny toads, if you catch my drift.
Mr. Christian explained the important role that kissing plays in a relationship, and though his studies show that women prefer kissing more than men, he stated that we are all born with an “innate oral drive”.
Contestants were given a series of different kissing styles and scenarios to perform.
The audience clamored to get a view of the lip locked contestants and picked up a few pointers to sharpen their game.
Temperatures rose when the French Kissing segment commenced. This kissing style is the most popular according to Christian’s research.
He informed the audience that “If it’s done right it’s bliss; if it’s done wrong, it’s potentially life threatening.
One’s tongue should move with finesse,” he added.
In an attempt educate the sexes about what their partner prefers, Christian read from his book The Art of Kissing.
Christian claims he “wrote the book to improve his sex life, but it hasn’t worked.”
He regaled the audience with stories from his personal kissing archives, and like any victim of a traumatic experience, he wants people to learn from his mistakes.
His suveys have shown that women love to be kissed on the neck and men like to kiss flavored lipstick.
Most men don’t like a sloppy kiss and most women hate “beard burn.”
The men in the audience learned what most women are thinking when they are kissing, ‘I wonder what he thinks of me?’ or ‘I love him so much,’ or ‘I wish he would shave.’
While women confirmed their suspicions about what men are thinking during a kiss.
Christian gave a few pointers such as “fighting with the noses” which resembles two horses nuzzling their snouts together (but in a good way.)
He also shared the secret to a good “party kiss”.
This requires the couple to smooch in tiny increments along the lips while dancing close together.
Apparently this will make people jealous.
At the close of the presentation Christian coerced the audience members into practicing their newly honed skills on their hands.
He demonstrated with his own hand, at which time he exclaimed “Ah, too much thumb!” He also advised that students go home and practice on a pet.
Christian left the audience with a few words of wisdom.
“When you’re this close, don’t worry if your not beautiful, you’re out of focus!”
For more information on The Art of Kissing visit www.kissing.com.
Milli Protheroe can be reached at Bobhope@temple.edu