My breasts are writing this column for me

So I’ve got your attention. Whether it was because you saw “breasts” in the headline or because you’re used to looking for me after three years of writing this column, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve

So I’ve got your attention. Whether it was because you saw “breasts” in the headline or because you’re used to looking for me after three years of writing this column, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve got some important things to say. If it were ever imperative that you take what I’m saying seriously, it is today. It is rare that I get on my feminist horse, but ladies, I’m saddled in. I’m furious.

My grandmother was born in 1910. At that point, she could not vote in a presidential election. Women didn’t get that privilege until 1920, although white men with a piece of land laying around somewhere had it 144 years earlier. Yahoo for democracy … but only if you’ve got a penis. Those breasts sure do look nice, but they’re not really good for getting your voice heard.

When my mother was born in 1948, women were knee-deep in the struggle for equal rights. She would wait another 15 years for the Equal Pay Act to ensure her fair wages.

That’s alright though. She had one pretty face and a petite frame in the works to assure her a position in the realm of societal worth. Who cares if she works hard? Her breasts just keep getting in the way and slowing her down. They sure do look nice, but don’t expect to see that in your paycheck- and women who belonged to minority groups had it even worse.

I was born in 1982. I voted for the first time last year. Once I get my diploma in May, I’ll leap into the work force and make about 72 percent as much as other college-educated men my age.

Phew! It’s been a long trip getting here. I feel like we’ve really accomplished something in the past hundred years or so. Time to take a break and go shopping.

And, what to wear. As a powerful, educated, self-respecting woman, I need to make sure I keep the pace with other women my age, especially when it comes to fashion. The whole competitive edge comes into play. Problem is, I’m pretty disgusted with what I’ve been seeing. When I say disgusted, I mean horrified. Repulsed. Dejected. Livid. Everywhere I turn, there’s someone clad in a T-Shirt with an increasingly degrading slogan across the front. It started innocently enough with the “Everyone loves a fill-in-the-blank girl” line. Cute enough. Rep your heritage.

Somehow this transitioned until it became an “it” thing to promote your sexuality by blatantly offering it out. Breasts became billboards advertising personalities. “Kiss me before my boyfriend comes back.” “Your boyfriend thinks I’m cute.” “You were never my boyfriend.” When taken at face value, they could be interpreted as empowering.

Then again, so could Paris Hilton. Sexual prowess is liberating. There is nothing wrong with being open and comfortable with yourself. It took women a long time to exchange the poodle skirts for mini skirts, embrace what their mamas gave ’em and refuse to be quieted and stifled when it came to their bodies and their beauty. It would be hypocritical of me to put my name and face next to the word “sex” every week if I didn’t fully support sexual open-mindedness. But, I have never whored myself out for a quick read. I could take the easy route and write about screaming during orgasms and Swedish made penis pumps.

People always tell me I should include more raunch because skanky sex sells and people really want to know how to make their penises bigger and how to give good blow jobs. I can’t subscribe to that. It is more important to me that a few readers respect me than that a horde of them use me as the Kama Sutra. And that is my message for you. Know what you are.

A shirt that says “kiss me before my boyfriend comes back” is attention-getting. Men will notice. You’re thinking, ‘This makes me look like I know how to have fun. I can juggle two boys at once. Watch me shake it. I have everyone’s attention. I’m powerful and unrestrained.’

I’m looking at you thinking, ‘Wow, that girl has no respect for the boundaries of a relationship, is obviously attention starved, is not trustworthy and will throw it around to whoever comes up to her in the next two minutes.’

If you tell me that’s true, I will cringe. If you tell me it’s not, honey why are you wearing the shirt? Why?! A month ago, in my anthropology of American culture class, a peer wore a shirt proclaiming her to be “Too pretty to do math.” Right now at the mall, you can buy a T-Shirt for $24.50 that reads “Who needs brains when you’ve got these?” across the chest. Someone is making money off of you sacrificing your dignity. There goes centuries of women’s rights activism down the drain with the swipe of a credit card. That’s not celebrating your body. It’s degrading to your intelligence.

What kind of role model is the person wearing that T-Shirt to her 6-year-old sister, who already has Britney and Tara and Lindsay on the brains are for bimbos bandwagon. How would that girl explain herself to Rosa Parks or Hillary Clinton or Mother Teresa? Would your life be the same if not for women who relied on their brains and their abilities? Don’t diminish the adversity women have conquered so that we could have what we do by taking it for granted. It’s been a long, hard road.

Because I am so riled up about this, I decided to try to make a change instead of just changing your minds. I have designed a line of T-Shirts with positive quotes and slogans to combat this trend. I will sell them a little above cost and donate the proceeds to the National Organization for women (find out more about them at I have no intention of making a profit. I just want to see the difference on campus. If interested, e-mail me.
function openSlideShow1871(){ + 1871,’selectUser’,config=’scrollbars=No,resizable=Yes’);}Nadia’s T-Shirts

My breasts will send you a thank-you note upon delivery.

Nadia Stadnycki can be reached at

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