Dirt is pleased to announce that Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth to her second child with hubby Chris Martin. It’s a boy. Mozel.
And now, Baby’s First Bedtime Story.
Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom of $20 million paychecks and Mystic Tan, lived a girl named Sienna Miller. She was from a kingdom across the pond, but came over for the annual Vanity Fair Oscar Ball.
She drank so much festive punch that she wound up making a drunken fool of herself in front of the Royal Movie Executives.
The executives were so upset, in fact, that most people are wondering if the kid will ever work again. Pick up this current issue of Vanity Fair to see the sloshed Miller kicking her legs in the air, among other Tara Reid-inspired antics.
Whatever. Lemme tell you who don’t have a thing to worry about as far as her career is concerned: La Teri Hatcher. The Desperate Housewives diva’s been making a big ruckus over at ABC, demanding more cash for services rendered.
Rumor has it Hatcher’s getting cut in on a deal that could fetch her up to $6 million in merchandising and spin-off profit. Desperate no more.
What other deals, you ask? A big one going down right now is Jessica Simpson signing on to play the Pamela Anderson character in the forthcoming Baywatch movie. I don’t want to talk about it either.
Can we talk about how unfair life is? Madonna tickets are going for $350. Contrary to popular belief, Dirt doesn’t have a skybox. Neither does The Temple News. Whores.
Naomi Campbell understands my pain. She wants what she wants, and if she don’t get it, she’ll whoop that assistant’s ass! The model diva plans to tell all about her cell phone throwing ways to Oprah.
What can she possibly enlighten us with? Cocaine habits? Anger management? Eating disorders! In the words of Madge, I’ve heard it all before! The only way to top yourself, girl, is to remove your Dolce stiletto and take out one of Oprah’s eyes. That’s hot.
Maxim. The boys and toys mag celebrated its 100th Issue this weekend in Las Vegas. Celebrants included: Christina Aguilera (who is reportedly their upcoming Hottest Woman Alive), Paris Hilton, new couple Nick Lachey and Vanessa Manillo, Tori Spelling, Taye Diggs, and others. Not to mention cover girl Eva Longoria, whose image has been constructed to be seen from space in the surrounding desert in Nevada.
And that’s what Temple News is planning to do for my last column. Ha.
Newsflash: The Paltrow baby boy is named Moses. Yes. Apple and Moses.
Omigod, guess what Daytime talk monster Star Jones did? Donated about 50 fake Chanel suits to charity.
It’s not as bad as it seems. Recently accepting an achievement award, Jones lamented over her days buying Dress Barn frocks and sewing Chanel buttons onto the jackets.
I know, it makes me feel dirty too. The suits will go to low income women so they can look stylish at their office jobs.
Then, they can get a spot on a morning talk show, marry a gay man and have gastric bypass surgery! Shine on.
Do you love me? Because I love you. The last edition of Dirt is coming sooner than you know. Start sending gifts.
Matt Donnelly can be reached at DirtTheFragrance@yahoo.com.