A boy turns around for three seconds to watch the Academy Awards and all you in Hollywood are fighting in the backseat. That’s it. I’m turning this car around and no presenters’ baskets for any of you.
Let’s start with Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. Richards shocked the world this week when she filed for divorce, according to Celebrity Justice, citing “irreconcilable differences” and asking for custody of the couples’ 1-year-old and unborn baby.
That’s right – Richards is six months pregnant. She gave no news of marital unrest when announcements of the second pregnancy came out, nor did Sheen when he spoke to fab rag US Weekly a month ago. What in the hell happened? Is Charlie back to his old ways?
Regardless, in legal filings for the case Richards asked for personal effects, her jewelry and naturally “earnings and accumulations of Petitioner from and after the date of separation.” She may be hasty but the girl isn’t dumb.
On a more serious note, Chaka Kahn’s son is on trial for murder. It’s safe to say that’s not a sweet thang. Her 25-year-old, Damien Patrick Holland, is a suspect in the shooting of a 17-year-old in Los Angeles. I’ll follow up as the trial progresses.
Sweeter thangs, yet, kids. Whoopi Goldberg has been busy sending chocolate to Republicans. Obnoxious right-wing group Citizens United have been buying up billboards all over L.A., blasting celebrities that rallied for Kerry. One, featuring Goldberg and other political stars, reads “Four more years! Thank you, Hollywood!”
Goldberg was not well. She expressly sent boxes of chocolate and a note reading “Gentlemen: I didn’t realize how little faith you had in your candidate. To give so much power to folks like myself is amazing. I thought you all said that the president won because of what he stood for, and now I come to find out that the only reason he got elected was because of people like me. This doesn’t say much for your candidate. Enjoy the chocolate.”
In better news, Teri Hatcher just got richer. The fab Desperate Housewives star got a considerable pay raise when signing on for a second season of the ABC smash hit, going from $38,000 per episode to $285,000 per episode. Yahtzee! Insiders say her co-stars have also gotten a pay hike and all actresses were rewarded with Mini Coopers. It’s so good to be Desperate.
Matt Donnelly can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.