It’s already a month into the semester and you and your roommate are getting along about as well as Stephanie and DJ Tanner in the episode of Full House when they drew a line down the center of the bedroom.
Isn’t it strange how you can be best friends when it comes to splitting the grocery bill, but when it comes time to clean the dishes that have been piling in the sink for three weeks, your roommate is harder to find than Osama Bin Laden.
As Uncle Jessie would say, “Have mercy.”
The first step in resolving problems is letting your roommate know that there is underlying tension.
You could politely mention, “Pardon me, but would it be possible for you to remove your dirty underwear from my pillow and place them on top of the old pizza box, next to the pile of dirty q-tips on the floor where they belong.”
If you have different schedules, or if you are no longer on speaking terms, try leaving a post-it note like, “I think you accidentally opened the birthday card my grandmother sent me and mistakenly thought the $20 inside was yours.”
Just letting your roommate know will probably be enough to get them to do something or stop doing something as the case may be.
They may even give you a counter offer like, “Of course I’ll tell my girlfriend to stop eating your ramen noodles, as soon as you stop picking your nose and putting it under my desk.”
Sometimes these measures just won’t work. This is when you have to start getting even.
You don’t want to do anything drastic, you have to keep yourself out of trouble.
The best way to get even is to do minor things that are just irritating and get on your roommate’s nerves over time.
There are many non-confrontational ways to be annoying.
Try always watching TV with the closed captioning on.
Whenever you type on the computer, read every word aloud and sound it out as you type.
Every time you leave the dorm, replace the working batteries inside the remote with dead ones.
When all else fails you can always resort to third grade tactics.
Do you remember the shadow game where you repeat everything the other person says?
Do you remember the shadow game where you repeat everything the other person says? (Annoying isn’t it?)(Annoying isn’t it?)
These are just a few examples.
Be creative and personalize your tactics to the person; but don’t do anything that will get you kicked out of the place, because then they win.
Joe Shaw can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org..