The feeling equals that of experiencing the death of your hamster. The sick-tumbling feeling in your stomach, dry mouth and pure disbelief overcomes your body. The metal ring turns slowly, lowering your preferred snack, and then it happens. The end of the package somehow gets caught on the end of the metal ring dispenser.
How does that happen? Why does it happen? Why do people continue to surrender to the vending machine gods even after such treatment? Not only once, but various times in one vending machine visit is a customer screwed over. Rich and poor alike continue to put more money in the vending machine hoping for the bag behind to push the one in front of it off of the metal ring. Now there are two bags stuck and the customer is out a $1.50 instead of 75 cents.
At this time the next person in line puts in his/her money, picks the same item, and ends up with three bags of Doritos for the price of one. There is definitely a rule that stops the screwed customer from saying anything to the lucky customer.
How can a person prove that those Doritos are the product of their stupidity? How can a person prove that they put in more money than what the entire Microsoft Company is worth for a 60-cent bag of Doritos without feeling stupid?
“Excuse me sir, I just used my last $20 to try and get that bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, so I think I am entitled to a least one of the 80 bags that you now have.”
Oh, and the shaking never works. Vending machines are equipped with an anti-tilt device. The sight of a larger man shaking the machine was so scary that when his Gardetto’s snack pack, dangling from the second shelf just would not budge, his face looked like a big ripe tomato and he seemed more ticked off than a dog in a sweater. After five minutes of earthquake motions, he gave up. The only chip he came out with was on his shoulder, and for what? A small yet overpriced pack of seasoned pretzels and dried bread chips.
It is a vending conspiracy. Vending machine companies position the snacks so they are more backed up than I-95 at rush hour. The real money comes from people trying to get what they paid for in the first place. There is not one time that I have ever left a bag hanging without trying a second time.
This is not the only trick vending companies pull off. The candy bars are always on the top shelf. After plummeting 10 ft to the grabbing slot, the chocolates are now classified as Hershey morsels instead of bars. Almond Joys become Mounds in their broken states. Runts look more like JU-JU-BEES. Having a piece of candy becomes literal.
The grabbing area is very limited too. If it’s not the snack getting stuck, it’s a person’s hand. What person is going to steal the Beechnut mints and Carefree Sugarless gum anyway? Just make the opening wider. It is hard enough to stay in the four-point crouched position without the added trouble of being unable to remove both the snack and your hand.
So why is it that after all of the trouble and anger, people wait in long lines to get their hands on stale Otis Spunkmeyer Muffins and chipped Skittles?
The only solution is to start warning people about the dangers vending machines present. Big signs on the finger smudged glass (of course from the shaking) need to be posted. Signs that read; WARNING: ONE OUT OF EVERY TWO BAGS WILL GET STUCK! IT IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME OR MONEY TO USE THIS FAULTY APPARATUS!
But that will never happen, and people will never cease using vending machines. People will continue to surrender their couch cushion change to the vending gods.