Temple Tweets

WTF, Twitter? I’ve dedicated a large portion of my life to you. I write a column about you weekly, so I consider you work and play. Not many things in life are work and play,

WTF, Twitter? I’ve dedicated a large portion of my life to you. I write a column about you weekly, so I consider you work and play. Not many things in life are work and play, but you, Twitter, have transcended that boundary, and this is what you do to me?

I tweet daily, retweet properly and even read Twitter news on various platforms. And what do you do? You come out with this so-called “new” Twitter and don’t even tell me about it? Not only did you fail to give me the heads up, but you didn’t even invite me. The ones you love the most really do have the power to hurt you the most. samantha krotzer

Apparently there’s supposed to be a notification on the top of the Twitter page that invites users to try the new Twitter. I haven’t seen such a thing. This is like when Google Wave came out all over again. Do I need to wait for an invitation to be disappointed? So, Twitter, you don’t want to show me your new face? Fine. I’m not going to Google it because that is just what you want me to do. Twit off.

Maybe once I’m actually invited to new Twitter sometime next year, I will just delete my account. And I’ll start my own Twitter. It will be called “Bitter.” #suckit
@DameNOdash: Yeah….. you are RT @CantB_Tamed: Ok I’m annoyed I don’t have the #newtwitter yet I swear I’m the only one

I don’t have it either. Stop acting so privileged, @DameNOdash. It’s annoying. The only reason you probably got new Twitter is because you tweet every 45 seconds. That’s abuse, not dedication. SMH.*

@sherellenydirah: new twitter….u are blowing my pipe right now. i dont UN der STAND

OK, Twitter, you invite people who can’t type correctly to try you? Isn’t getting your pipe blown supposed to be a good thing? Now I am the one who doesn’t “UN der STAND.”


Really, @O_oFaceSWIPE63? I didn’t know Twitter was a living, breathing organism who is interested in showing love and affection to another Twitter. Would new Twitter be heterosexual if it had more Facebook qualities? Oh, did you mean that the new Twitter is stupid or lame? Oh, OK. @O_oFaceSWIPE63 is gay.

@samuelf732: The new Twitter looks like the old one… cant tell the difference

If it looks the same, then why is everyone freaking out about how they don’t understand it? Are you a liar, @samuelf732? It appears that you are under the impression that the new Twitter was an automatic switch everyone experienced at the same time. I’m sorry, hun, I think you just have the old Twitter, but you don’t have enough Twitter knowledge to realize it. It will be all right. I am here for you.

I used to think the theme for my year was going to be FML,* but it is proving to be something else: hierarchy. Once again, I am at the bottom, sweeping the streets and tweeting away on the old version of Twitter. FML.

Samantha Krotzer can be reached at samantha.krotzer@temple.edu.

*Because the subject of Temple Tweets is Web-related, readers may recognize the inclusion of some Internet shorthand they aren’t always familiar with. WTF is an online abbreviation for “What The F—,” and SMH is an online abbreviation for “Shaking My Head.” FML is an online abbreviation for “F— My Life,” which was popularized by FMyLife.com, a website where users can submit their worst moments of the day to be published. To find more translations of tech jargon, visit https://www.netlingo.com.


  1. Sam, funniest girl ever, I don’t have the new twitter either and I must insist that I truly deserve it! As far as the new twitter being “gay”…i think it’s about time my community had our own elitist social networking opportunity! Maybe @O_oFaceSWIPE63 is on to something! (However, it is clear that the way in which @O_oFaceSWIPE63 used “gay” is not the same way I am…and clearly @O_oFaceSWIPE63 is attempting to perpetuate the homophobic language that continues to plague the community and contributes greatly to *in light of* the recent bullying and teen suicides.

    I have a quick msg for @O_oFaceSWIPE63, if you don’t mind.

    @O_oFaceSWIPE63 I hope your intellect exceeds what you show us on your stupid twitter updates. Let’s hope that none of your friends are LGBT because your ignorant language may be contributing to the destruction of their whole-self. Thanks…for nothing. Douche.

    Well, now that I got that out, I’d like to get back to your article, Sam. Once again, excellent “Temple Tweets”. Your witty satire reminds us all that we can still see humor despite the fact that most of the world walks around like they have something immovable stuck in various places I would rather not think of.

    I have read all the comments people leave on your genius articles and as far as I’m concerned, they are simply upset that they cannot see and write as you do. Keep the tweets coming! 🙂

  2. Yeah, I think it’s really “witty” and “charming” when you insult someone in a public forum and don’t ask their permission first. I notice the Temple tweet isn’t up from last week (the one about the lunch truck). Is that because you’re the leading cause of eating disorders at Temple University. Or were you embarrassed, because you know, as well as we, that it wasn’t a Fiber One bar wrapper in your pocket, it was a Hershey Bar that you splurged on instead of buying a piece of fruit, and then you inhaled it in 4 seconds flat, walking away with chocolate smears on your face that no one wanted to tell you about.

    I hope you sleep well tonight.

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