I didn’t want to write a column about Valentine’s Day. Sometimes I get sick of sounding like a miserable blob of a person, and if I wrote a column that was related to Valentine’s Day, that is exactly how it would come out. But here I am, churning out word after word about Valentine’s Day.
What’s a girl to do? I work as a part-time florist – therefore I think I have the right to be a little uptight during this fake holiday. It isn’t that I am angry that I am alone – I am happy to be alone. I am mature enough to realize I am one of those people who will never settle down with someone. If I am that weird, old lady who is completely bombed at the casino when I am 85 years old, so be it. At least I won’t be unhappy in a dead-end marriage. Besides, I know prostitution isn’t legal, but if I really want to get some, I will just pay for it.
There you go – Happy Valentine’s Day. It’s me and Twitter, baby, and I am fine with that.
@HermosaAlma: Got Asked To Be Someone’s Valentine =)
No one cares.
@jamalmcfly: Anti-valentines day party going on at my crib. You ain’t got a valentine come get f—– up and meet new people
I know that I don’t really know anything about Valentine’s Day, love or dating, but how does hosting some kind of mixer where you meet new people and possibly find a mate constitute as an anti-Valentine’s Day party? That sounds like a perfect celebration of Valentine’s Day. What is the point of being so stern on being anti-Valentine? Shut your mouth, and drink alone in your room like everyone else.
@NotRihanna: Mom paid my cell phone bill for my Valentine’s Day gift. #notromanticmom #usedandabused
Maybe not romantic, but are you really going to tell me having someone else pay your cell phone bill for you doesn’t totally rule? Used and abused? Damn girl, your momma is taking care of you, and you are trashing her on the Internet. My momma taught me better than that.
@Mack_Aroni: so whos tryna be my Valentine? …i dont mind kickin it with a nice lady, smoke her the f— out !! higher than she ever been lol!
You sound like St. Valentine himself! What a sweetie.
@ss3_gokoux: It seems Kay jewelers and KY (hey, those names are remarkably similar) have bought out nearly every ad slot on NBC’s valentine block tonight
Hey, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people only have sex this one time of the year so they have to make it count. If lube is the way to go, then amen sister. You gotta do what you gotta do.
I know they say hate the game and not the player, but I’d rather just hate the players. As bitter as I am, I know love is real. Right, @RonnieKITTY and @RodhamKITTY?
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at email@example.com.