Dirtlings, I’m a busy boy. That’s why Dirt has been a tad … unpredictable lately. But, like the best gossip, Dirt pops up when you least expect it.
For instance, I’ve got it on good authority that two of your favorite Temple News columns are getting into bed together for a dirty good time. Don’t quote me, just keep your eyes peeled.
In the mean time, I’ve been salivating over the big stories this month. Like gay Clay Aiken and his boy troubles. Not one but two tricks have crawled out of the woodwork, claiming to have shared intimate moments with the American Idol runner up. What’s worse?
Webcam photos that Clay sent to hopeful sex partners have turned up, no doubt sending Aiken’s PR camp into a scuffle. No official word has been released. The real question here is: DUH! Like we didn’t know?
But let me change the subject before Aiken’s crazy, Midwestern, middle-aged born again fans attack me. PETA and Scientologists I can handle, but the Claymates? I can’t afford bodyguards on my Temple News salary.
Oh, but Miss Lindsay Lohan can afford her some security. In fact, the little darling can afford anything she wants, especially after her newest deal. The controversial waif is about to be confirmed as the new face for Louis Vuitton.
The decision is said to come straight from the capped teeth of genius Marc Jacobs, Vuitton’s acting creative director. Lohan was previously attached to the House of Chanel, until Karl Lagerfeld dismissed her as immature and unworthy in New York magazine. Not a bad backup gig, Linds.
I’ve decided not to talk about Britney Spears stepping on an errant needle, barefoot in Hawaii. Giggles. Instead, let’s talk about Kevin Federline chopping off all his hair and donating it to Locks For Love.
Sweet, Kev, but you might want to save those shredded cornrows. You can always donate them to whichever charitable disease your wife contracts from STEPPING ON USED NEEDLES, BAREFOOT, IN PARKING LOTS. Better.
By the way, Spears has a sequel fragrance coming out called “In Control.” Please. Dirt has no choice but to respond with our own sequel. Stay tuned.
So this new James Bond tiff … Daniel Craig (lookin’ so good) was crowned the New Bond. Fans of the Old Bond had a big s*** over it. Now, producers of the upcoming installment have revealed Bond won’t be wearing a tuxedo.
He also won’t be driving an Aston Martin. Internet rumors say Ford is paying mucho to have the character drive their brand.
Not a bad advertising move. Unless it’s blatant product placement, and Bond without a tuxedo, inspiring no one to see this steaming piece of cinema. If a company places an ad, and no one is there to watch it, did it ever exist?
Zen and the art of media buys. Keep reading (Hi, Bradford) and stay dirty.
Matt Donnelly can be reached at DirtTheFragrance@yahoo.com.