College is expensive and your time is too precious to waste on boring teachers who would rather be writing crappy books than teaching. Therefore, this week I outline the 10 best classes Temple has to offer (real or imagined):
10) Cheese Appreciation: During my sophomore or junior year, a close friend mentioned this class over a conversation regarding our love for tasty curd. She said Temple actually offers this class, but I never discovered when or where it was offered.
9) Library Skills for Non-Majors: Because it only took me three years to figure out where they keep the books.
8) Social Interaction 101: I can get along with my close friends, but when it comes to new people, I sometimes feel like I’m on a bad first date. Okay, so this class (and probably your classmates, too) wouldn’t be that interesting, but we are, after all, stuck with each other. “How’s it going?”
7) Beer Appreciation: Because Bud Light is urine. A class in superior worldly brews could do us all some good. Think about it: any class where “Homework” becomes “Bar work” can’t be too bad.
6) Rebellion in Art: If you thought that last N’SYNC single really pushed the limits of creativity, you’re game for enrollment.
5) How to be an Asshole: This class fills up so quickly each semester, but when I finally get in, I know I’ll be a prepared to enter the “real world.”
4) World Travel in Context: In this class, weekly field trips are made to various parts of the world: Guatemala one week, Singapore the next. I hear they’re working on an Outer Space Travel class. You kids are so lucky.
3) Nothing: Even though I revel in procrastination, really doing nothing is a difficult task to master.
2) Superpower Acquisition: Eating Kryptonite for every meal is just one of this class’ many prerequisites. No evil dudes allowed. Enrollment is expected to triple following the release of Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst’s Spiderman.
1) What to Do After Graduation: Because most seniors don’t even know their graduation date, let alone their destiny.
Neal Ramirez can be reached at email@example.com