Corrigan: Knowing when and how to argue is half the battle

Why can’t Tina’s brother go over to his girlfriend’s house?”

“Because he is only 17 years old, John. Nobody can drive him and there is nowhere for him to leave his bike.”

“He has two feet, dear.”

“Would you really let your brother walk 45 minutes on a major road at 2 a.m.?”

“If my 11-year-old brother had a girlfriend for more than a year and tonight was their only chance to bump uglies, I’d make sure to leave the key in the mailbox.”

“You’re ridiculous. You just don’t get it.”

I still don’t get it.

I never get it.

And you can bet that I wasn’t getting it that night.

Arguing in relationships is as natural as injuries to Michael Vick. You have to expect them and experienced lovers can even anticipate them.

Sure, when you’re courting that hot brunette in English 802 you’re not considering her venom toward Chinese food. During the honeymoon phase of your relationship, everybody agrees to anything because you want to make your significant other happy.

However, the conformity caused by puppy love will soon turn you into a rabid Rottweiler, barking about privacy, intimacy, anxiety and jealousy. Although you don’t want to succumb to the tension, sometimes you just can’t control your emotions and, subsequently, arguments ensue.

Women trap you with trick questions in which the answer is simply lighting the match for a predetermined explosion.

Beware of sarcasm – responding to those words masked as humor is like tip-toeing through a minefield.

Newly single people will tell you that they broke up due to arguing over “little things.”

What exactly are these little things, you ask?

Dwarves?

Freshmen?

No, the little things are daily occurrences that accumulate with time and rot your psyche. You don’t even realize the little things until it’s too late.

She hates that you never excuse yourself after flatulence, you hate that she is always late when you pick her up and you both get frustrated when the other is texting during a conversation. Some might call it nitpicking, but I call it a couple’s cancer.

Chalie Robinson, a junior communications major, suggests an age-old remedy of relaxation.

“Try to keep a cool and calm head, no matter what,” Robinson said. “Your partner still loves you and you love them, and you can work through anything.”

While treating the little things can be easily cured by politely speaking up, arguing about friends, family and even pets is a more serious predicament.

Regardless of whether you care for her friends, you absolutely must befriend them and treat them with respect.

Your girl’s ladies can be your support team or your worst enemies. If you have an issue with one of her friends, delicately mention it to her but don’t harp, because she will interpret that as a reflection upon her.

As for your friends, men won’t change. She just has to deal with them.

I’ll confess that arguing about family has damaged my relationship – however, sometimes you have to suck it up and realize everybody’s family is crazy. That’s why you flee to college.

As for pets, if Rudy treats you like the mailman, let your girl know that her pooch needs to be restrained unless she’s compensating for your ripped shirts.

I’ve never agreed with the adage that you shouldn’t bring up politics or religion at the dinner table. Unfortunately, arguments about beliefs can’t be fixed with a simple round of tonsil hockey.

We are civilized people who shouldn’t be scared to offend people with our beliefs, yet society has grown soft and sensitive to any connotation, statement or suggestion that might be deemed discriminatory.

The foundation of America is that we can believe whatever we like and our opinions should be respected. By shying away from intellectual discussion, you can’t expand mentally or spiritually.

If your significant other doesn’t agree with your beliefs, don’t dwell on such an insignificant matter.

Neither of you are going to change so you can’t expect otherwise. It’s healthy to have differing opinions. If you can’t move beyond the intellectual stalemate, then perhaps you aren’t mature enough for a relationship.

Now, the most important facet of arguing with your girlfriend is the make-up process.

First, you must admit that you were wrong unless you have a witness or concrete proof that whatever happened is not your fault.

Let’s flip all the cards: Your girlfriend has what you want and your access has been denied until the dust has settled. After you accept responsibility, you sincerely apologize verbally, and then intimately apologize.

Finally, well, you wonder how you could have disagreed with this woman in the first place.

Her gentle touch, the warm breath against your ear, mumbling how she loves you, the euphoria that has captured your senses – imagine if every act in the bedroom was this passionate. Imagine if every hostile feeling could lead to such a sensation. Imagine, if the only reason women ignite arguments is to obtain the make-up sex.

Hey, I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

John Corrigan can be reached at john.corrigan@temple.edu.