ROBOT TROUBLE

Indeed, this was a sort of crazy semester and all throughout Robot Trouble’s star XTNX9900 made us laugh and made us cry. We know that you couldn’t have made it through the semester without the expert advice that appeared in these pages week after week. All good things must come to an end, however, and XTNX9900 will be returning to the year 2338 once the last Temple News editor hands in their last exam. What will XTNX9900 do upon returning to the 24th century?

“UPLOAD MY TEMPLE NEWS EXPERIENCES TO CENTRAL REPOSITORY. THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE ROBOT HOLIDAYS!”

And now, the final Robot Trouble to grace the pages of the Temple News 2000:
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Dear Robot,

I have a most pressing concern that I thought you may be able to solve for me. You see, I am a gay, male, college student. For as long as I can remember, I have yearned to be a female. I have been saving up money and have finally compiled enough to afford “the operation.”

Yet, about a week ago, I lost my arm in an accident involving alcohol and a mulching machine. Being a talented accordion musician, my missing appendage prohibits me from my only emotional release -accordion playing.

So I am torn between getting the operation I have always dreamed of having or a prosthetic arm. What should I do robot?

Sincerely, Gimpy Drag

GREETINGS GIMPY DRAG
AS IMPORTANT AS APPENDAGES MAY BE, GENDER FULLFILMENT IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT. YOUR MUSICAL CAREER NEED NOT END. RECOMMENDATION: SWITCH FROM ACCORDION TO SQUEEZEBOX. PLAY THE SQUEEZEBOX BY HOLDING ONE HANDLE BETWEEN YOUR TEETH AND THE OTHER IN YOUR HAND. WHICH ARM DID YOU LOSE, ANYWAY? WAIT, YOU CANNOT ANSWER BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST ISSUE OF THE FALL 2000 TEMPLE NEWS. I MUST RETURN IMMEDIATELY TO THE YEAR 2338.
DOWNLOAD QUANTUM TRANSFERENCE SHAREWARE.
SAVE ALL EXISTING FILES NON-TEMPORAL SECURITY SITE.
ADVISE ALL INTERESTED HUMANS TO CHECK WWW.ROBOTTROUBLE.COM, BEGINNING IN JANUARY 2001 (ROBOT YEAR 117 BCE)
COMMENCE TIME TRAVEL.

END SESSION.