Temple Tweets

As I hobble down Montgomery Avenue, I reach into my pocket and try to decide what to eat – maybe a quick cookie from Insomnia Cookies or better yet, a veggie wrap from the Sexy Green Truck.

I pull my hand out of my pocket with the uttermost hope that a cute little dollar bill or two will be safely tucked in my palm. I open my hand to find a wrapper from a Fiber One bar from the last time I ate – a week ago.

I should be happy that Temple has so many awesome lunch trucks, but I can’t help being a little irritated. I understand most people have some money and can eat on a regular basis, but get out of the way of the poor people. Do you all have to clutter on the sidewalk like cattle? Let the poor people get through. I didn’t know Temple had a hierarchy.

When I sat down and realized that drinking my own tears has no nutritional value, I obviously resorted to Twitter. Someone else out there has to be tweeting about how hungry they are when all they have to spend is a Canadian nickel. But guess what? No one tweets about that. All they tweet about is how much food they do have. Selfish, much? That’s like talking about how much you love tweeting from your iPhone to someone who still has a Chocolate. #norespect

@amandax23: I don’t know how I can still be hungry after eating a waffle, eggs, bacon, and a donut for breakfast #freshman15

I think the appropriate hash tag would be #freshman45, but it is just a suggestion. Tweeters, this is what I would call fat-girl pain. I could survive off your breakfast for a week, but this lavish breakfast just isn’t good enough for our girl, @amandax23.

@MsYakiraYoung: I’m STARVINGGGGG 2 more minutes until my hunt for food. Think I’m gonna eat from the Sexy Green Truck as usual lol

Don’t get me wrong, the Sexy Green Truck is good. But, speaking of hierarchy, the Sexy Green Truck and the Creperie rule the lunch-truck scene. What about the small guys? The fruit salad lady is a goddess. I know she has no idea who I am, but she makes me think she remembers me. For that moment, the hunger pain leaves me, and I feel warm and fuzzy.

@itsjustb_87: #SpellCheck weight RT @younboi716: I’m hungry as usual! I eat like a 400 pound man but don’t gain wait! Thanks mom n dad! Lol

LOL. Not at you, @younboi716. You eat like some sort of monster and don’t even suffer from obesity. That is grounds for my hatred. But what really did you in was that you didn’t use the correct “weight.” Really? I can sometimes see if second graders don’t understand the difference between “you’re” and “your,” but “wait” and “weight”? I have to laugh so I don’t punch myself in the face.

@paleyperk: Just ate samosa, and just so you know it tastes the same way going down as it does going up. What an expensive waste of a meal. (@ AEPi)

No wonder a lot of people think frat dudes are tools. Why even eat if you have every intention of barfing it up later? More importantly, why are you advertising that bros at Alpha Epsilon Pi can’t hold their drinks?

I’ll be taking donations starting this week. Feel free to leave your information in the comment box online, where some of you tell me that I am stupid. Thanks!

Samantha Krotzer can be reached at samantha.krotzer@temple.edu.