At the age of six, I was completely unaware that other languages even existed. Growing up in a Pakistani home where Urdu was the only language spoken, I was deeply accustomed to my family’s culture. I was so attuned to my own surroundings, which brought me a strong sense of comfort and familiarity.
At home every day, I had a general routine my parents made me follow as a child: wake up at 10 a.m., have breakfast, practice basic math or the alphabet and go on with my day. I was unaware that soon beginning school and rebuilding a new routine would make me feel so displaced.
My world expanded when I started kindergarten. The school building was filled with objects perfectly made for a child my size, like small chairs, tables and different toys. In the classroom, I met my teacher, a woman with a bright smile who shook my hand to introduce herself.
The only problem was I couldn’t understand the words leaving her mouth. I was always taught that giving no reply in a conversation was seen as disrespectful, but when she spoke to me I felt like my back was up against the wall.
I remember sitting on my dad’s foot during that first day when he dropped me off. I was clinging to his leg and feeling too afraid to interact with anyone. My nervous stomach ache made it hard to stand. I didn’t consider physically letting go until two weeks into school.
The language barrier between me and everyone else created tension and discomfort.
Seeing other students make friends and bond so easily made me feel lonely because I struggled to do the same. It also made me miss my parents because they were the only ones I could talk to in my native language.
I was placed in an English as a Second Language class. During the first few weeks of ESL, I remained quiet and refused to speak to anyone. The other kids in ESL were also unable to speak English, so the room was very quiet. The initial encounters felt awkward despite how easy going our teacher tried to make it. I felt like I was just never going to learn.
As time passed, the adjustment process became easier with the continuous and repetitive nature of school. My teachers’ consistent efforts to make the classroom feel as comfortable as possible worked. She cracked jokes and incorporated toys into her lessons. I began learning English, and I better understood my environment and the general concept of school. Eventually, I started to create friendships, and the more people I met, the more confident I became.
It took about a month or two until everyone began learning and understanding the class material, which made the class a lot more enjoyable. Soon enough, I turned into the kind of student who eagerly began raising her hand before the teacher even finished asking the question.
I woke up every day looking forward to school after kindergarten. I had so much to be excited about. Elementary, middle and high school were all similar and I was comfortable with the consistency and structure it provided.
I had a tight-knit group of friends and grades that I was happy with, and I did what I could to get involved in different clubs and activities. School was not something I dreaded until my first semester at Temple this fall.
The transition to college meant being far from home and navigating my newfound independence. I had to worry about academics, meeting new people and learning how to be a functional adult. It hit me all at once and I felt overwhelmed. All I wanted to do was cling to my dad’s leg again.
When I began college, I was flooded with memories of beginning kindergarten and the unnerving feeling of free-falling into a completely different world. Meeting new people, learning how to be on my own and learning to speak up were the main factors that contributed to my anxiety about school.
Although Temple made efforts to welcome new students with events like Welcome Week, I knew my fears would remain until I had the chance to experience everything for myself. The idea of putting myself out there was stressful, but realizing that other freshmen were in the same situation brought some comfort again.
I understood not taking chances meant missing out, and college was the ideal place to begin exploring opportunities. The anxiety I felt was strong but I knew that going into college to pursue my education is something that most people don’t get the luxury of doing.
I still approach things with so much fright built up inside of me. I have spent so much time trying to keep level-headed but often confusion, fear and worry are more difficult to control. I realized in high school that as life proceeds, I’m bound to experience new things all the time. A thought that kept me going was that if I’ve been able to overcome any challenge in the past, what’s stopping me from doing it now?
Almost everyone enters college feeling hopeful yet uncertain at the same time, and I have learned and realized this is completely normal. As my college journey continues, I find myself settling in. The adjustment process is still ongoing, but striving toward this goal has been both validating and productive. It goes to show that regardless of any situation that might seem problematic and overwhelming at first, in the end, it will always be okay.
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