Dirt: Cruise prays to turtles, Madonna supports

This week’s hotness comes from the spec-junkies at Jossip.com: the Websters say that Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri are about to announce that they’re expecting -only a week on the heels of Janet’s (Miss Jackson

This week’s hotness comes from the spec-junkies at Jossip.com: the Websters say that Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri are about to announce that they’re expecting -only a week on the heels of Janet’s (Miss Jackson if you’re not her illegitimate child) denial of an illegitimate child.

Who knows what could happen next at the Jackson-Dupri house. Hopefully not another nude sunbath. Miss Thing was drumming that cellulite like a high school marching band.

Unlikely photo-op of the week: Ashley Olsen and Karl Lagerfeld at the Fendi 80th Anniversary Party. I mistook Karl for Mary Kate at first, but realized he was holding a glass of champagne, not Starbucks and a Marlboro red. Bonus Round: the Karl Lagerfeld Diet (find it on Amazon.com) is red wine and cigarettes. Literally.

Madonna is jumping to Tom Cruise’s defense on the whole Scientology craziness.

“If it makes Tom Cruise happy, I don’t care if he prays to turtles. And I don’t think anybody else should.” Take that, world. You can also take a big helping of Madge when her new single, “Hung Up,” appears on crossover episodes of CSI and CSI: Miami. Let the publicity storm being.

Say it with me: 1-800-2-CONFESS.

Tell me readers, would you buy Dirt: The Fragrance? Come on. You totally would. The campaign would feature me wrapped in 1200 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets, rolling around with some copies of Us Weekly and my Sidekick, promising you’ll smell like that latest scoop. I might need to consider merchandising because my competition is.

Yup – The New York Post’s Page Six has it own eye shadow color from Lancome. I have no words.

I do, however, have words for the unfathomably sexy spread in this month’s issue of W magazine. Featuring retired Yves Saint Laurent and Gucci demi-god Tom Ford. Pages upon pages of the genius Ford in his world of waxed, buffed, polished robots. Rewire me anytime, Mr. Ford.

Let’s talk about the lady loving going down on Wisteria Lane. Apparently, rumored viper-gal Marcia Cross actually misses her neighbors.

“I think it would be nice if we start spending a little more time together,” Cross said of her various costars. “I think in the first few episodes [of the second season] we weren’t, but that wasn’t anything sort of set in stone, it’s just sometimes things just evolve.”

Cross is correct, there’s seldom a scene featuring all five vixens simultaneously. We all chalked it up to the ladies being incapable of standing one another, but apparently Teri, Eva, Felicity, Marcia and Nicollette are getting nostalgic for the old days.

The breakup is hard but the makeup can be sooo sweet.

Old school hottie Lauren Hutton has agreed to pose nude for Big magazine. Hutton green lit the bare-all so women will “not to listen to a 2,000-year-old patriarchal society.”

Or to gravity. Girlfriend is 62.

Sarah Jessica Parker is starting to notice certain occupational hazards. Sex and the City, the show that made her a global superstar, is finally giving her some bitter to accompany the sweet.

It appears Mizz Parker can no longer exist in stilettos the way she used to – the teeny tiny starlet “woke up in agony” a few weeks ago after only having donned heels for a day.

Compared to seven years straight in Manolos, Parker’s tolerance has seriously dwindled. One girl can’t have all the luck.

Matt Donnelley can be reached at mattdonn@temple.edu.

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