My first memory of Lady Gaga is when I was about six years old, listening to “Paparazzi” for the first time as my mom’s car flew down I-95. It was quirky, odd and frayed around the edges; something I needed as a break from the candy-coated pop era of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” and overplayed party anthems.
For the bulk of my childhood, I loved Lady Gaga from afar. I couldn’t consume more of her music because I didn’t own any of her CDs. So for the longest time, I could only pray that “Just Dance” would play on the radio.
I was never drawn to her music for a discernible reason, it just called to me like a magnet. Wherever I was, I could hear the infamous “Muh muh muh muh” at the beginning of “Poker Face” and immediately ran to its source. I wouldn’t listen to the lyrics. Instead, all I felt was the drums thumping through my stomach as I danced around.
I had more opportunities to explore her music as I got older through streaming platforms and YouTube. In seventh grade, I finally decided to listen to the entirety of “Born This Way.”
The album came to me in the midst of my middle school awkward phase. I had yet to figure out my identity and had no individual interests outside the ones I took up because of my friends.
I was constantly changing my personality and purging parts of myself I thought were uninteresting. I hung around good people but morphed myself into whatever I thought they wanted me to be to the point my real self became unrecognizable.
Although the album didn’t fix my damaged self-esteem, it made me feel like someone wanted me to be my unapologetic self, even if Gaga had no idea who I was.
When I found “Born This Way,” it wasn’t the titular track or the big hits that made the largest impact. Instead, songs like “Electric Chapel,” “Government Hooker” and “Marry the Night” captured my attention because they had the grit that first drew me to Gaga when I was younger.
Gaga cemented herself as one of my all-time favorites after I first watched her VMA performance of “Paparazzi.” She stood up from a piano in front of thousands of people with fake blood pouring down her chest as a reminder of the impacts of fame and the dangers of prestige.
I returned to “Born This Way” many times throughout my teenage years when I needed to get energized or cheered up. I would get home from school, put on my headphones and jump around my room like I was in the crowd of a claustrophobic club.
In my senior year of high school, tears began to fall as I jumped around my room when I was nearly halfway through the album. It was during the chorus of “Hair,” one of the record’s most upbeat tunes. During the anthemic chorus, Gaga pleads, “I’ve had enough, this is my prayer, that I’ll die living just as free as my hair.”
I’d listened to the song countless times, but that time, the chorus cut through to my heart like never before. It was a textbook example of hearing exactly what I needed during a very pivotal moment in my life.
My senior year was riddled with uncertainty and trepidation, as I had just committed to Temple as an English major. I knew that literature and writing were what I needed to dedicate my life to, but the words of everyone around me made it impossible to feel like I was making the right decision.
I was always told I would grow up to have little money or have to default to teaching high school. But I knew that wasn’t the path I wanted to take. It felt like I was making a grave mistake and throwing my career into a non-lucrative field like living in a fantasy world.
But when “Hair” played, I realized the self-doubt was never worth it. I, too, wanted to die as free as my hair, unburdened by the feelings and negative opinions of others. I’ve carried that song with me since that fateful dance party and continue to blast it when I need to hear Gaga’s encouragement.
After years of side projects, Gaga is back in the edgy pop game with “Mayhem,” a record that embraces the complexities of life as she dances through the back-breaking pressures of being human.
Now, more than ever, I’m ready to fight through the mayhem of life with a new Gaga album by my side.
Be the first to comment