I always laughed at “Drive Me Crazy.” Not only does it feature “Entourage” star Adrian Grenier sans Drama (kind of like seeing Hannity without Colmes), but it stars Melissa Joan Hart, and she doesn’t even explain anything! But what I always
found most amusing was how a popular girl had the gall to date a smart, sensitive guy. I mean come on, that right there is completely fictitious. Let’s all learn a lesson from “Grey’s Anatomy,” real world: McDreamy doesn’t date Izzy and sensitive guys don’t date models.
Done and Done.
Except now it appears dreamy John Mayer is trying to change all that. According to “Us Weekly” he has replaced Nick Lachey as the man-lust-object of Jessica Simpson. Look, John, this messes up everything we know. Salmon don’t eat humans; guys who play guitar don’t date Jessica Simpson.
You can’t just jump classes – just look at Jack and Rose; they tried it on the Titantic and you know what happened? THEY DIED!
However, there is some good to come out of this news. With John Mayer paving the way I would like to announce, to the dismay of all School of Communications and Theater females, that I too am jumping classes and am dating the captain of Temple’s cheerleading team … as soon as I confirm that we have a cheerleading team.
Speaking of dating, Flava Flav is still looking for that special honey. Season two of his hit reality show, “Flavor of Love,” is underway, and I, as a journalist, am outraged. All of last spring we heard nothing but National Security Agency wiretaps, NSA wiretaps, and NSA wiretaps.
Well, once I saw Flav sending people to spy on his female suitors I assumed it would be a huge story with all the toppings – congressional hearings, “New York Times” editorial
mania, O’Reilly nailing someone – I mean, the whole nine.
Well, the ball has been dropped … by everyone.
The government isn’t allowed to spy on its own people, but Flav is allowed to spy on his honeys? I don’t want to say it, but I smell a double standard. Alberto Gonzales, a bit of advice; next time you want to wiretap, just do it as the next “Bachelor.”
Gonzales as “The Bachelor” would not be the first time a celebrity tried a second career. In fact, this summer has had more stars taking on double rolls than any I can remember.
Lance Bass added “gay icon” to his resume, along with aspiring astronaut and movie star (you know you loved “On the Line” starring Bass and Joey Fatone). Mel Gibson added neo-Nazi to his resume, which means he is now the second most famous anti-Semite, still trailing, of course, Henry Ford. Last and least, Paris Hilton has added pop star to a resume that’s shining accomplishment is the critically acclaimed “One Night in Paris.”
Hilton’s CD “Paris,” not to be confused with lapdog Tinkerbell Hilton’s “My Life Tailing Paris”, debuted at No. 6 this week on MTV/Billboard’s Top 20 albums. Though the debut is impressive, I’d like to take this opportunity to warn the Freedom lovers to beware of the charts. Nickelback is at #12, and let’s face it, any chart that puts Chad Kroger and company
anywhere besides #1 needs to be taken with a grain of hemlock.
The curse of MTV continues. First Nick and Jessica became “Newlydivorced”, and then we found out that for Dave and Carmen, “Til’ Death do us Part” really meant “till Dave gets pitched a crappy reality show to judge.” And now Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are calling it quits, partly due to, if you’ll believe this, “Dancing with the Stars”. According to a report in Us Weekly, a source close to Barker says that the Blink 182 drummer “wants a wife, not a Hollywood socialite.”
Travis, between you and I, “Dancing with the Stars” does not make you a socialite. For God’s sake, Tucker Carlson, Joey Lawrence and A.C. Slater headline this year’s cast.
Well, that’s all for this edition of The Price of Freedom. Remember to email me all pithy comments, and don’t be a popinjay, name and town if you wish to opine.
Sean Price can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.