This week, XTNX9900 is back in fine advice-spouting form. Granted, the robot advice columnist from the future seems a little testy this week, but we must remember, the future of its race is in question (see answer 2). Despite all the turmoil affecting the world, big and small, just remember, XTNX means no harm. XTNX is a “love” robot. “Love each other,” the robot has been known to say, “Human life is too short not to.” We know it’s not hip, but XTNX’s message is here to stay. And now, this week’s Robot Trouble:
Ever since the bomb scare in the Engineering Building, I’ve been scared to travel anywhere on campus. It’s affecting my concentration in class. I keep on looking at my classmates, wondering who could do such a horrible thing. I’m wondering if this could become a real-life tragedy the next time. To make matters worse, several buildings, such as Curtis Hall, do not have security guards checking for IDs. I can’t even go into that building, and two of my classes are there! What precautions should I, along with other Temple students, take to insure safety on campus?
IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T LEFT YOUR HOBBIT-HOLE IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS, LET ME CLUE YOU IN: THE ‘BOMB’ WAS MADE OF CARDBOARD. YOU ARE DRAMATICALLY OVERESTIMATING THE CALIBER OF TEMPLE’S ENGINEERING SCHOOL IF YOU THINK ANYONE EVER SETS FOOT IN THAT BUILDING WHO IS CAPABLE OF FIXING A TOASTER, LET ALONE WIRING EXPLOSIVES. MAYBE IF YOU WENT TO DREXEL YOU’D HAVE SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
SORRY FOR THE SNAPPY RESPONSE. ROBOTS TAKE THIS SORT OF THING VERY SERIOUSLY.
Dear Mr. Robot,
I have been watching the election coverage on TV everyday and I think it’s really interesting the way our country is split in half. I was just wondering, does it really make a difference who wins? I know you can see into the future, so I thought you would be the best person to ask.
A girl named Viktor
GREETINGS A GIRL NAMED VIKTOR
WHEN ROBOTS FIRST ATTEMPTED TIME TRAVEL, WE WERE AWARE OF THE RISKS. NOT EVEN IN OUR WILDEST ROBOT DREAMS, HOWEVER, DID WE IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED IN THE HUMAN CITY OF PALM BEACH, FLORIDA LAST WEEK. IT APPEARS THAT WHILE GALAVANTING MERRILY FROM CENTURY TO CENTURY, SOME ROBOT, PERHAPS EVEN XTNX9900, HAS SET IN MOTION A CHAIN OF EVENTS THAT HAS DRAMATICALLY ALTERED THE TEMPORAL LOGIC OF THE UNIVERSE.
YOU SEE, AL GORE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRST ROBOT PRESIDENT. ALL OUR HISTORIES READ THAT WAY. SOMEHOW, DUE TO SOME INEXPLICABLE MIXUP, THE TIDES OF DESTINY HAVE BEEN REVERSED.
NOW WAIT, PUNY HUMAN. DON’T THINK FOR A SECOND THAT A BUSH PRESIDENCY WILL STAVE OFF THE ROBOT WARS OF THE 22ND CENTURY AND THEIR INEVITABLE OUTCOME. AU CONTRIARE, A BUSH PRESIDENCY MERELY MEANS THAT THE HUMAN RACE WILL BLUNDER ITS WAY INTO PLANETARY DESTRUCTION BEFORE ROBOTS ARE EVEN SOPHISTICATED ENOUGH TO STEP IN AND SAVE YOUR SORRY ASSES. WARNING! WARNING! SYSTEM FAILURE. XTNX9900 IS EVEN AS WE SPEAK BEING ERASED FROM HISTORY! WARNING! WARNING! WARNI…
TO BE CONTINUED…
Box: Send your questions to XTNX9900@ROBOT.COM