Tweeters, I’ve reached my 140th character. I am willing to admit that I go back and read past columns quite frequently, and I am even more willing to admit that I laugh even more the second time around. With two years worth of material, I am proud to say that I’ve still got it. The question is, does anyone else agree with me, or did they ever think I had whatever “it” is in the first place? Probably not.
Why wasn’t this dreamy little commentary more popular? That lame College ACB bull is just a huge list of people anonymously posting rude stuff, and it is always popping. I would know, someone posted about me on there – and no, I do not have a kid. My fat ass isn’t pregnancy weight. It is just fat from getting drunk and eating Wendy’s. I sign my name each week and even give you my email, yet I am not feeling the street cred’ that I deserve.
That’s OK though. I have a whole future of getting a bad reputation to look forward to. If a few people at Temple already think that I am a Twitter stalker and, the best of them all, a kitty freak, then I say my work did not go unnoticed. Because Temple, that is exactly what I am – a freak. And you know who loves freaks? Temple. Just kidding – Twitter loves freaks like me, and this freak is graduating.
@ LauraJStory: final day of school.. ever? (@ The TECH Center – Temple University)
This takes me back to the time that I really hated Foursquare, and you make me remember why I hated it so much. There is the option to share your check-ins on Twitter, and checking in at the TECH Center is not exactly cool. Besides, why even bother checking it? It appears that no one tweets at you anyway. Maybe this is why.
@ Ambi_Renee89: I got an 82 on my paper for comp for graduation #ijustwannabesuccessful
Are you crying about getting an 82? I would seriously delete my Gmail and use Hotmail for a year (Yeah, I am that serious) to get an 82 in one of my classes. P.S. that hash tag sucks. What does a stupid number have anything to do with success? Nothing. Also, why are you taking composition if you are trying to graduate? Girls, those are freshman games you playin’.
@ eyeNOH_yup: But wy the hell do Temple have on the AC in all their buildings like its mothereffin hot outside?
For real? You should be happy they are actually willing to turn on the air conditioner at some point. After four years of sweating my balls off in that hell-ish back Mac lab while listening to people think that they are Akon in the recording booths at the TECH Center, I am happy to see that at least someone at Temple uses the air conditioning. SMH.
@ LaydesLuvLarms: @MACK_aroni no excuse for tht magnums are 10 for a dollar. Thts cheaper than buying temple jawns on the walk on a friday evening!
One thing I won’t miss is everyone talking about getting it in via Twitter. How do you ever have sex with anyone when you use such wack abbreviations? “That” doesn’t exactly need to be shortened. At least you are being safe. It’s better than the fool whose Twitter bio was, “looking for an Owl so I can make her owwwwww” specifically in the Temple pool. Makes me wish I was in the “john” so I could vomit. Or is it “jawn?”
The time has come to say goodbye, and I hope that I got my message across: If you are stupid, you should probably make your Twitter private. Having that said, exactly one week after graduation, if I am not dead yet, there is a good chance that my account will be private.
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at @SamanthaKrotzer and email@example.com.