After realizing not everyone pees in the shower, Sarah Sanders sought to find why.
I’m already naked. I just woke up five minutes ago, and my eyes won’t even open up the whole way. The shower water feels warm and relaxing. I really don’t want to step out of the tub, leaving a trail of wet footprints to the toilet.
Plus, I’ve gotten so good at aiming for the drain. Even if it goes down my leg a little, Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap is sitting right on the shelf, ready to scrub me clean.
I pee in the shower.
So what? I never thought this would feel so much like a confession.
It’s probably one of the first pieces of advice I remember getting from my parents. I splashed enough water on the bathroom floor, and Mom didn’t want to clean up any more.
“Just pee in the shower,” she said.
Up until about a year ago, I figured everyone took this easy way out of an uncomfortable situation. But then I moved in with someone – and he was appalled by my behavior. All my life, I had never met a person who didn’t take his or her first morning leak in the shower. Then again, I’m not sure I ever asked.
But this guy was grossed out.
“I use that shower, too,” he said. “Do you think I want to stand around in your piss?”
Not at all, I thought. That’s why I go at the beginning of my shower. Then, by the time I’m finished, any trace of urine has been washed away.
This was just not good enough. He still found this habit detestable. So I started to think I was the crazy one. Maybe this is why my parents didn’t seem to have many friends. Was my family so crude for peeing in the shower?
Statistics would soon show me otherwise. After surveying 100 Temple students, I learned my shower etiquette was not so barbaric after all: Only 14 answered, “No, I would never” pee in a shower. The majority – 46 people – answered, “Yes, I have, but not often.”
The comments I received were both helpful and amusing to read. Some expressed their utter disgust toward this bathroom conduct.
“Absolutely hate this. There is a toilet right there,” junior advertising major Steve Smart said. Like my roommate, Smart didn’t like the idea of wading around in someone else’s bodily fluids.
Which is why I added another question to the survey: “Would you pee in the ocean?”
Surprisingly, 83 out of the 100 surveyed answered, “Sure, no one can tell,” and only six said, “No, I would never.”
That means at least some of the original 14 haters agreed with this. My follow-up question to those with mismatched responses would be: What is the difference between standing and swimming in urine?
“I don’t go into the ocean to get clean. That’s what showers are for, and they should stay that way – clean,” said Kelsey Jones, a junior advertising major.
Senior social studies education major Brian MacNamara said he finds it hard to believe these naysayers are telling the truth.
“Anyone who claims they do not pee in the shower is lying,” he said.
“I try not to pee in the shower, but if it has to happen, it has to happen,” freshman university studies major Travicio Braue-Fischbach said. “At least aim for the drain.”
It could be that those who pee in the shower are just lazy. As Smart pointed out, the toilet is only a few steps away. But maybe those in opposition would be more likely to support shower urination if they recognize other less selfish benefits.
“Peeing in the shower saves water, cures athlete’s foot and is a great exercise in multitasking,” Lauren Coco, junior sculpture major, said.
Junior Charles-Sebastian King said urine is sterile and can save lives, particularly in situations involving jellyfish stings.
Thus, I’ve come to the conclusion that my parents and I aren’t weirdoes. In fact, I’ve learned that we are part of a highly misunderstood subculture. So to those who support my morning ritual, pee on. And to those who don’t, piss off!
Sarah Sanders can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.