My body is transforming. Back in elementary school, this was a good thing – I could wear a training bra and snicker like I was keeping a dirty little secret from my fellow fifth graders. Nowadays, the fact that my clothes are getting more and more snug is no secret.
My hips don’t lie – I’m getting fat. When a co-worker is constantly letting me know I’m getting thick, something is definitely up. I am just grateful larger T-shirts have become a fashion statement for women, so now, it isn’t so obvious I am just trying to cover my rolls.
But at least I am not alone. It’s the holiday season, and sudden weight gain is acceptable. I can happily sit on Twitter while my mom presents me a platter of food with enough cholesterol to immediately stop my heart upon digestion. Plus, it’s free. And all the greatest things in life are free – kind of like Twitter.
@KILLA_KAI: all today i jus felt ‘christmas’ in the air..it smells like snow outside, i love that. i have an urge to go on a baking spree…..hmmm
I agree; the weekend air was very Christmasy, but can we please rewind to last week? The decorations were up, but it was 65 degrees, and the only thing I could smell was the lingering scent of urine. You’d have to throw yourself into a baking spree just to block out the the air’s urine content.
@jb497: Christmas always bring out the maternal side of me. Can’t wait to bake TONS of cookies and wrap presents and make a construction paper tree!
I get very maternal during the holidays, too, but I think it is because I am harvesting a food baby. I am nervous about postpartum depression, though. Once the holidays end (and my food pyramid is reduced to only house coffee and cans of tuna), I think I will miss my little baby and then resent it for leaving me. All my fond holiday memories are housed in my stomach, and when they’re gone, I will have nothing to live for.
@CUQ19: Eating some sugar cookies that always come out for sale for Christmas. Now I want the pocket of popcorn that got 3 different flavors
That popcorn tub means more to me than I should probably publicly admit. The caramel, cheddar cheese and plain white cheddar are actually very symbolic of the holiday season. ‘Tis the time to come together and be happy, right? Three different kinds of popcorn join together for the holidays, and it is truly touching. Plus, it is kind of hard to feel guilty for eating popcorn – corn is a vegetable.
Hopefully, when the flow of holiday treats haults, my body mass index will recover. Until then, I will have fun happily holding cookies and brownies up to my stomach and legs to imagine which body part they will attach themselves to first. Oh, and of course, I will then tweet about it because the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at email@example.com.