Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)– This week will leave your eyes a little wet as a short-term goal is thwarted. You’ll have a chance to make things up so don’t worry.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 21)– That monkey on your back is this close to coming off, but don’t think that it won’t be scratching and kicking while leaving. Don’t be tempted to beat that monkey because this is your karma giving you your due.
Gemini (May 22 Jun 20)– Remember all the luck and restless abandon that I told you to enjoy? Well, Saturn is coming to your sign and it’ll be like the boss walking past your cubicle. Except the boss will be watching for like two years! Enjoy!
Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 23)-This week will give you a heightened sensitivity at the work place, even unto psychic proportions. Don’t be mad at your co-workers because they’re doing obscene things to you in their minds.
Leo (July 24-Aug 22)-Pretty soon you’ll be shining, if you’re not already. The Sun enters your house of public standing and stature so you’ll be doing what comes naturally to you: grandstanding and posing. Yeah Playa!
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 21)-All systems are go, full speed ahead. You are on a mission and no one will stop you. You’ve probably discovered some extremely scary and interesting tidbits through your delve in the deep but you are not afraid.
Libra (Sep 22-Oct 23)-You’re sore right now because you do everyone you see. You harlett, whore, gigolo, pimp! Psych, let me stop playa hating. You’re definitely hot but you’re probably lonely from all the empty relationships. There’s more to intimacy than sex.
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)-You should be expecting to get a parade in your honor praising you for the obstacles you’ve overcome. You’ll be a little surprised because it’ll be all in a days work to you. Goodbye heartache!
Sagitarius (Nov 23-Dec 21)– Ever get bum rushed? It’s not pretty. Pretty soon you won’t be pretty either, if you get my drift. A period of reckoning is coming, Sag. The universe is sending its bullies, mignons and goons to deal with ya.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)-You have been saving every penny, rationing every resource and now you can relax. You can now frugally spend that extra dough putting it to good use.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)-With all the insights you’ll have into the human experience, you’ll be somewhat like a guru or sage for the hungry masses.
You could also be a wise bum if you don’t pinch them pennies.
Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)-Do you notice a pattern here? I never have anything bad to say about you. Well, that’s since I’ve been the Temple astrologer. Remaining in that pattern, let me tell you that you are great and everyone else thinks so too. See ya!