Columnist Sarah Sanders heard some women like to get fancy when designing their bikini areas.
I really respect my brother’s girlfriend because of her occupation. She works at a salon. Sure, her salon provides the typical spa services for women: hair, nails, skin treatment, makeup, et cetera. But she also performs a more custom procedure. Not only do women pay to have other people wax their “bikini zones,” but some pay even more to leave the salon with a special design in their pubic hair.
Now, the last time I stepped into territory like this, I was criticized for not showing how the topic is relevant to Temple. So I won’t even claim that. This topic is just relevant to the women who like to keep their crotches groomed – and I suppose their significant others who appreciate it. There are women at Temple, right?
Plus, by bringing this issue to a student publication, maybe I can start a trend at Temple. Maybe some of you gals didn’t even know you could get the Superman logo between your legs. Thus, I’d like to think that I’m providing space for this concept, which may be new to some, to be investigated and discussed.
First, I’d like to tell you what I already knew about this process – not much. Upon meeting my family for the first time, my brother’s girlfriend told a few stories from which I was able to gather this information. She mentioned that most of the customers who request this service are women older than 40. Now I think this says something.
How did our mothers and even grandmothers know about this and we didn’t? Even more interesting is that a considerable number of these women will request that their husband’s name be the design. I really wonder how excited a man could get from seeing his name on his wife’s groin, almost like a welcome sign.
After a little research, I was hard-pressed to find any salons in Center City able to provide this service. I was delighted, though, that the receptionists who picked up the phone never scoffed at me when I asked, “Do you do custom waxing in the bikini area?” Most sounded curious as well, but never knew the answer. So as far as I know, the closest place that will decorate your goodies for money is in Beverly Hills, Mich.
Unfortunately, I am not yet brave enough, nor do I have the dough, to undergo this procedure. Thus, I cannot shed any more light on the actual logistics of how it goes down. And the receptionists couldn’t really fill me in either. Anyway, the fun part is imagining how it could possibly work and what you would get if you were that dangerous and creative.
It makes sense that you would have to let your hair grow out a bit first. Otherwise, you don’t have as expansive of a canvas on which to work. So stop your grooming now, and let your pubes get wild and unruly. I mean really give the salon employees a challenge.
Then I imagine they get it to the length that the design will most contrast with your remaining hair, similar to when you get a basketball shaved into your head. At this point, however, I’m not sure how they actually create the design. The first thing I thought of was that nose-hair trimmer everyone has gotten their dad as a gift. It’s small and precise enough that the pube artist can be detailed. It’s like getting a tattoo, except it just tickles a little.
Keep in mind, though, that I really know nothing of the realities of this process. I’m sure that my brother’s girlfriend would be hesitant to reveal, in-depth, what exactly happens, as would any salon employee I could get on the phone. After all, the girl on the other end could just be a student newspaper columnist looking for a new sensation to exploit for content.
But I certainly don’t mean to poke fun at anyone who would choose to pay for this on her next anniversary or something. Just maybe don’t get your husband’s name – I mean, then he could argue that he does have his name on it. Get a basketball, or even someone else’s name. That would be really funny.
Sarah Sanders can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.