There is a fine line between love and obsession. I just have a big heart because when I love something, I really love it. I hold nothing back. When I can’t have what I love, I have no problem calling repetitively and using my Web-searching skills to find out what the hell is going on.
Now, I know what you are thinking: “No wonder this chick is alone and loves the Internet.” To that I say “touché,” but I also say I am not talking about another person. Something else holds my heart and makes crazy at the same time: John’s Water Ice in the Italian Market.
John’s, when other water ice shops were open and you weren’t, I panicked. I called your store seven times in a row hoping I would get some machine message telling me you were OK. I peered in your windows at various times just to make sure the coolers were still there. I searched every Yelp and Yellow Pages entry to see if anyone knew when you would open, but no one did.
After weeks of night terrors about being forced to eat Rita’s instead of authentic homemade water ice, I saw the light at the end of my tunnel: John’s had opened. As a tear of joy rolled down my cheek and into my simple lemon water ice, all I could think was, “I cannot wait to tweet about this.”
@T_Haley22: I went two different Rita’s and both with no Mango, Passion Fruit, or Swedish Fish… WTF!!!.. I want a green apple gelati
WTF is right, @T_Haley22. Why would you ever depend on a chain establishment to provide you with any sort of water ice satisfaction? Mango? Passion fruit? Swedish Fish? Do you think the founding fathers of water ice would approve of such absurd and obviously artificial flavors? Save that for cocktail time. And speaking of cocktails, the Saloon, an uppity grandma bar and restaurant up the street from John’s has a John’s Water Ice Martini. My life has come full circle.
@ballzdeep420: Sorry Cherry water ice, the man at the window said u didn’t come to work today so I had Island Fusion instead. Plz come back work plzzz.
Were you high when you tweeted this? Sorry for reading too much into the “420” in your username, but thank you for the LOL-worthy tweet. Isn’t that the worst, though? You spend your whole day fantasizing about that water ice, plotting how fast to eat it so you get the perfect melty-frozen ratio, and then you get there only to have your dreams shattered. Island Fusion? Was the genius who came up with that flavor high, too?
@LOVE_Stas: water ice and pretzel hit the spot after my hard workout:)
Good girl. I am kind of out of shape, though. My first gelati of the season, with birthday cake ice cream and chocolate water ice, took me about eight minutes to finish. The next day, I housed that puppy in five minutes tops. After all, the key to prime enjoyment of water ice and pretzels is rationalization. Water ice is water and fruit. Pretzels contain grains. And ice cream is dairy. Sounds like a healthy snack to me.
OK, maybe I’m obsessed. But a little touch of crazy never hurt anyone – right?
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at email@example.com.