I’ve let everyone down. For months, I have added “twit” onto words, referenced hash tags and basically made love to Twitter with my words. But I left something out. How could I ever forget trending topics? And I call myself a Twitter enthusiast. SMH.
When trending topics are actually topics, it is beyond awesome. Twitter tells me everything I need to know. “Pretty Woman” is trending? Wow, I never would have known that it was on TV. “Rain” is trending in Philadelphia. Good thing I check Twitter approximately every 45 seconds – I never would have known to bring an umbrella. As awesome as trending topics can be, some of you tweeters are really flubbing it all up.
What’s the deal with people using hash tags to start a sentence in hopes other tweeters will finish it? Well, I guess it isn’t just a hope because these weirdo hash tags are always trending. And people make fun of me for taking the time to write this hilarious column every week? I’m not the one whose biggest accomplishment is turning some hash tag with misspelled words into a trending topic.
@PoPa_John: #SometimesItsBetter 2 match ur kicks w/ a 2ndary kolor, instead of the main kolor in ur outfit.
Thanks for the advice. Sometimes, it’s better to use whatever letters you want to start a word because it gives you a sense of power. Oh wait, it is never better to do that because it gives the false impression you are 4 years old.
@kemo99: Ladies #SometimesItsBetter to keep yo shirt on during sex..I don’t wanna see yo stomach lookin like a busted airbag
Sounds like it is always better for you to keep your pants on because I don’t think anyone wants to see yo’ penis lookin’ like a mini jerkin. This tweet makes the case and point for why I want to spit in the eyes of these kinds of trending topics.
@NikkiGeezz: #PleaseTellMeWhy u think i like u cuz i liked ur status??
I’ll forgive you, @NikkiGeezz, for using that hash tag 17 times in an hour because this tweet is perfection. Same thing goes with actions on Twitter. Just because I @reply you doesn’t mean I am trying to get on you. Sheesh.
@JalenB: #PleaseTellMeWhy everything better when you high
Well, @JalenB, I wouldn’t say that that question is one of life’s greatest mysteries. Would people get high if it made everything worse? I think not.
@DaPhillyKid92: #PleaseTellMeWhy @twitter is better den myspace, fcebook & ect..
Twitter is better than MySpace and Facebook because it allows me to be slightly more forgiving toward Internet lingo and careless abbreviations. “Ur” in place of “your” on any other social networking site is unacceptable. Let’s not get carried away, though. I won’t be your friend or even consider dating you if you use “ur” on Twitter, but I won’t hate you.
How’s this for a trending topic: #BYE.
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.