As I had mentioned in last week’s mental barf of my story with Anthony, even more juice was squeezed out of the proverbial fruit. I have returned with updated Anthony news and professional opinions mixed with my final thoughts, even though with him it is never final.
Anthony’s drunken obsession with text messaging seems to do more harm than humor, and in this particular situation, it acted as the catalyst of our drama.
This form seems to work for us as adults, whereas when we were children, this happened through gentle knocks on my front door at my house in Northeast Philadelphia where Anthony would quietly try to get my attention – without getting my sleeping father’s.
The interaction of sober vs. drunk, always me vs. Anthony, brought along a stampede of emotions where talk of gut-wrenching sexual energy was finally released. An argument ensued, including the ever-present “you should break up with her” speech I give him on a weekly basis, followed by melodramatic tears as a grand finale.
I finally gained some professional advice this past weekend from Sharmon James, a psychologist whose main focus concerns children and adolescent behaviors. Her current place of
employment is a high school, which could quite possibly be the breeding ground of insane and naïve relationships.
“I honestly don’t feel that teenagers know how to work through emotional responsibility,” she said. “I find myself meeting with students on a weekly basis always trying to help mend their broken hearts.”
When discussing Anthony’s and my efforts to make our paths cross over the years, James said it’s important for us to really know ourselves.
“If a relationship is going to last, you can’t just hang up the towel and walk away,” she said. “You need to know what you want and need, and how that meshes with someone else. It doesn’t necessarily mean you look for someone just like you.”
As Anthony and I always find ourselves to be exactly the same, but in two separate bodies, the above comment from James rings true for me. Our commonalities hold us together.
Also, the idea of putting work into a relationship, whether it is just a friendship or striving for more, does not possess a strict time limit. Whether it is two months or 10 years, the work needs to be produced if the outcome is truly wanted.
“You can make a lot of dumb mistakes attempting to date a friend while in high school, although sometimes we need to learn through mistakes,” James said. “In high school, I knew nothing about relationships. All I knew was I liked knowing someone liked me.”
My jaw dropped and I remembered being 13 years old walking around with Anthony by my side thinking, “I must look pretty damn good with him. He really likes me.”
The validation of having an extremely cute and slick personality within a friend or boyfriend bumped my confidence 100 percent, and this feeling may have stuck with me throughout this entire charade. Because I felt like I gave up on other relationships in the past, it has always been heart warming to know that somewhere, Anthony probably was thinking about me.
James’ comments on our relationship were helpful overall, but I’m not used to having straightforward answers concerning this situation. For those of you who are in my pointy shoes, I hope some light was shed for you.
As for Anthony and me, I’m not sure if it’s so cut and dry. My mother always told me Sicilian guys would drive me insane. Maybe I should have listened.
Giavanna Ippolito can be reached at giavanna.ippolito@temple.edu.
I love your frankness and freshness!
The problem is, there is no “rule book” about relationships. We only ever learn from mistakes and heartbreaks – there doesn’t seem, (for most of us at any rate), to be a direct path from arriving at puberty to “happy ever after love.”
The danger – to be strenuously avoided – is to mistake heartbreak for a permanent condition & never let love in again! The dating sites are full of people who want to be loved but are afraid to commit, give it out or let it in because they remember the pain of the past!
(It’s why I wrote a whole book about it! I was caught in the trap, and realised that as a trained psychotherapist I’d get a client out of it, so I turned my knowledge on itself – and it worked!)
Great article – and great smile too! 🙂
Trevor.