I’ve done it. You’ve done it – oh my stars, how you have done it – the emo tweet. A cluster of raw vagueness that absolutely no one other than you can understand, the emo tweet begs for concerned @replies. Nine times out of 10, if you paste the bad boy into your Google search box, some sort of Taylor Swift song lyrics will come up.
But that is exactly the difference between most general tweeps and me. I know how to craft a perfectly emo emo tweet. No one can deny most of us were struggling through puberty when emo was at its peak of awesomeness. Just like you remember basic math from second grade, many of you remember the lyrics to basically every Fall Out Boy song ever written.
Every morning while getting dressed I sing under my breath, “You look so good in blue, you look so good in blue,” from Fall Out Boy’s “It’s Hard To Say ‘I Do’ When I Don’t.” Can’t we all embrace the emo lyrics burned into our memories instead of tweeting artists who have never docked their ships in the harbor of teen angst and pain? Even worse are those of you tweeters who are just so damn blunt with your emo tweets. Please, channel your inner Conor Oberst, and observe your right to be mysterious. If we are going to abuse the microblogging power of Twitter, let’s do it right with classic emo lyrics or at least some serious anger with a side of hilarity.
@veganatalie: Those lips and teeth that asked how my day went are shouting up through cracks in the pavement.
Bingo, Vampire Weekend lyrics. Now, I wouldn’t exactly file Vampire Weekend lyrics in the same cabinet as Taking Back Sunday, but @veganatalie has the right idea.
@polianarchy: I wish it was possible to sell all my “worldly possessions” and just start the f— over. #emo #thiss—justgotreal
Ah, angry emotional bluntness. But, seriously, worldly possessions? Do you mean your Twitter username? Kind of sounds like you are a “wishful thinker with the worst intentions,” @polianarchy. And while I do appreciate the hash tag use, I am questioning whether any of those with tears tattooed to their faces ever said “this s— just got real.”
@GlennaInParis: listening to bad romance makes me feel wonderful, horrible, broken, and powerful all at once. it’s a freakin’ emotional tornado. #ladygaga
OK, OK. @polianarchy had a point, but “this s— just got real.” A tornado is a whole new level of emo, and I thought the Something Corporate hurricane references were intense. Leave it to Lady Gaga to bring at least some sort of emo-ness back into the mainstream.
@Que2DaMiz: Im such an emotional wreck. Wanna call my mom but somethings holding me back while Im wondering where my real friends are at? #smh & #prayer
If they were your real friends, they would be on Twitter.
@LYriQLuVv: loves is 25% physical 20%emotional 15%mental 40% spirtual
Says who, @LYriQLuVv? You? With a messed-up username like that, I do not trust you with anything that has to do with numbers. The spiritual part is what throws me off most. Would God really approve of everything I do out of “love?” I do not think so.
When you’re in tweet contemplation, and you can’t decide whether you should unleash your wrath about your significant other not texting you back for four minutes, please tweet lyrics. No one cares about your craptastic boyfriend or girlfriend, but we do love the Starting Line. Remember, twits, if I’m just bad news for calling you out in the twitosphere, then you are all liars.
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.