Twitter is under attack. The enemy is like nothing I have ever seen before. He is small, sports a shaggy haircut and has a potty mouth for a boy who hasn’t even hit puberty yet.
This monster is fueling the wet dreams of little girls who shouldn’t even know what wet dreams are. People who could be this boy’s parents are lusting after him. Trending Topics are sending out an S.O.S. for help to get away from the first true Twitter disaster: Justin Bieber.
Who is he? I don’t know, and I don’t care. What I do care about is Twitter, and this is absurd. How can one little twerp take over so many timelines? This virus of a human being not only has infected Twitter but has also moved onto bigger entities. When I type “J-u-s-t” into the Google search bar, and Justin Bieber comes up before Justin Timberlake, there is something seriously wrong.
@DeeAnj: People HATE Justin Bieber…That’s almost like hating Puppies! Lol
I can’t believe someone would compare the beauty of an innocent little puppy to Justin Bieber. Do puppies shop at Toys ‘R’ Us and curse on video? No, puppies are perfect and get even more perfect as they age. Justin Bieber is going to be on Celebrity Rehab in five years when he realizes he isn’t 11 anymore and doesn’t know what to do.
@jasenhadson: Lmao at all these grown ass men & women dancing to Justin Bieber. Smh.
I don’t even understand how anyone could dance to Justin Bieber, let alone even listen to it. It’s probably because Justin Bieber is friends with Usher, which is freaking me out. Why is Usher friends with some kid who just learned how to talk a year or two ago? What do they talk about? More importantly, is Justin Bieber replacing R. Kelly in Usher’s life? God help me if that is true. Just so you know, Biebs, you will never have the capacity to create art the way R. Kelly does. So why don’t you just join the Kidz Bop choir?
@justinbieber: Just got out of the gym. Good workout. Welcome to the gun show. 998..999..1000…1001. Haha
OK, I know Justin Bieber doesn’t go to Temple, but I had to expose this crapola. He doesn’t have guns – he has chicken wings. What I am more concerned about is the underlying sexual tension of this child. In third grade, I couldn’t care less if my crush had nice muscle definition or not. This is just what we all need: more dudes telling ladies they will make us less lonely. Where’s the song about guys being lonely? Oh, that’s right – men have their penises to keep them company, so I guess they are never lonely. Does anyone else miss Hanson?
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.