I’ve found the cure to growing older. It is kind of like the fountain of youth – you hear about it, but it just doesn’t seem real until you witness it yourself. There is this strange place where people drink water as if they’ve never drank before. They all wear similar clothes that remind me of an Ayn Rand novel. I don’t let that scare me away because I’m happy my literary-genius self can make those quirky little connections; I should tweet that at her. (Number of users @TheAynRand is following: zero. #lol)
What is this place, you say? Believe it or not – it’s on Main Campus, and it’s as sneaky as the House of Slytherin. I always thought Pearson Hall was just the crummy old building people have sports practices in. But people are actually voluntarily physically moving their bodies without hope for a scholarship or to be part of a team. And I, the girl who could easily waste 17 hours lying in bed with the Internet, am enrolled in an aerobics class. What this term actually means, I don’t know – but it does sound kind of foreign.
Typically by 8 p.m., I might as well be dead because my body can no longer function. With this crazy exercise stuff, I was awake until at least 11 p.m. before taking a shot and passing out. It made me feel as good as getting an at-reply telling me my tweets are going to be published into a, no doubt, New York Times bestseller.
@ThatBoyCapili: At temple’s new fitness center and it it nooooiiceeeee. I f— with the IBC better though even though it’s nicer here.
There is a new fitness center? Meaning there was one previously? Wow. The things you miss when you are elbow deep in a bag of Doritos. I’m new to this whole exercise cult thing, so @ThatBoyCapili, how do you mess with a fitness facility? I know that one movie with the talking toaster was super cute, but it wasn’t based on a true story. How does one “mess” with inanimate objects? If I want to be ripped, I think I need to know.
@GlAmber_Girl: Exercising at my desk 😉 Got to be ready if that time EVER comes lol
What does this even mean? It is probably some reference to vagina exercises chicks do because Samantha from “Sex and the City” said she does them. Please don’t tell me there’s a class for this in Pearson.
@mrgeenem: @ExperienceEmily we can be like a aerobics class in bed stright up and have you comign out the rooom sweating I would go home afterwards
Actually, since I am in an aerobics class, I am pretty sure everyone goes home afterward. She might leave first, though, because in class we learned most routines have 32 counts of a step. I don’t think a lot of dudes would make it that far.
OK, maybe I didn’t find the cure to getting older. It was clearly Fall Out Boy.
Samantha Krotzer can be reached at email@example.com.