DIRT

Emmy, baby, you’re 55! Age, however, does not imply grace.

Your telecast is still awkward and your position as an industry must-have is still questionable.

Oh, who cares! Any award show more than 10 years old is worth watching! Let’s take a look at this year…

Politics, Shmolitics

You’d have thought it was Politically Incorrect.

All the yummy political bashing was not only a welcome addition to this year’s ceremony, but to public forum in general!

Hysterical parodies of Ahhnold and Donald Rumsfeld cut the night a reality check.

No you didn’t!

Paula Abdul looking like a drag queen playing in Audrey Hepburn’s closet! Brad Garret frenching Gary Shandling! Matthew Perry hoovering Doris Roberts! Bill Cosby snubbing Wanda Sykes!

Gratuitous Praise

Best Dressed: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall, Christina Applegate, Courtney Thorne-Smith and (so glad you’re back!) Alicia Silverstone.

Worst Dressed: Paula (eww) Abdul, Thora Birch (Red dress + Yellow hair=NO!), Joe Pantoliano (A blue velvet Jeff cap? Fine, you’re off the list if it was made by Juicy Couture)

Golden Quotes

“I’m the Lopez you’re not sick of” -George Lopez.

“As David Gest said to Liza Minelli on their Honeymoon night – no hard feelings” – Martin Short’s sentiment to the Academy voters for not giving him a statuette.

Bennifer…the saga continues

Us Weekly is screaming “scoop” this week with reports that gambling and Ben’s mama are among catalysts for the couple’s split.

A loss up in the thousands at Hustler Casino, owned by Larry Flynt, is the most recent gambling episode executed by Ben, no doubt causing J. Lo to worry.

Also, Affleck’s mother Chris was said to have reservations about a marriage under constant media scrutiny.

I can guarantee you this is not the last of Ben and Jen.

Shut Up Weekly

This week’s shut up is not, unfortunately, from the Emmy crowd.

Instead, it’s from the Henne crowd.

Ja Rule, shut up.

Can you understand me when I say shut up?

Or do I need a hip-hop princess of mediocre vocal talent to collaborate on an under-produced track telling you to shut up?

You have titled your upcoming album…get ready…Blood In My Eye. Blood In My Eye? How about, Pain In My Ass? Are you kidding? You’re the hit maker?

You’re the platinum selling artist?

I suggest you stop feuding with 50 Cent and start concentrating on user-friendly LP titles.

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Matt Donelly can be reached at mattdonn@temple.edu..